


Rabid Cur (Kylo x Reader)

by francescalove07



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics)
Genre: Abusive Snoke (Star Wars), Age Difference, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Armitage Hux is a Jerk, Brendol Hux's A+ Parenting, Dom/sub, Dominant Kylo Ren, F/M, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Manipulative Snoke (Star Wars), Mentioned First Order (Star Wars), Possessive Kylo Ren, Reformed Stormtroopers (Star Wars), Supreme Leader Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:54:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 24,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28001970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/francescalove07/pseuds/francescalove07
Summary: "𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙄 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙖 𝙧𝙖𝙗𝙞𝙙 𝙘𝙪𝙧 𝙞𝙣 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙖 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙥𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧""𝙖 𝙘𝙪𝙧'𝙨 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙮 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙥𝙪𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙗𝙚 𝙖 𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙥 𝙩𝙤𝙤𝙡"➢ ➢ You are Armitage Hux's half sister. The sweetheart that managed to wrap the First Order right around your delicate finger, much to your brother's disapproval. Torn between your call to the light or continuing to ascend up the First Order ranks, an unexpected romance erupts between you and enemy Kylo Ren.Through trials and tribulations, the question remains, does love conquer all for your relationship with the heathen who stole your heart?Maybe, just maybe.Mature content is featured heavily.Set pre-TFA
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Original Female Character(s), Armitage Hux/You, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You, Phasma (Star Wars)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

The wind enveloped me, suffusing me in its grasp as I exited the Finalizer onto the foreign planet.

The frigid and biting temperature hit me instantly and I felt the wind tug my wandering locks loose as it danced about and whipped the rest of the officers around. I felt the strange and unfamiliar feeling of my boots crunching against the snow covered ground as I marched forward. Of all the places the First Order has brought me to, I had never felt anything quite like this. It was freezing, the icy wind piercing me through my clothes and numbing me even down to my fingertips. I refused to let this act as a weakness and pulled my sleeves down as much as they could budge, ensuring my skin was completely covered. My body still betrayed me however, and I felt my skin start to crawl as goosebumps began to line my entire body. Shoving my hands down my coat pockets, I commanded the other officers release the stormtroopers at once.

It appeared that the winter season had only just began on this planet yet the environment remained weather-beaten. It was a sad dreary planet, poverty raked throughout. The disgust ingrained in my brain for anyone opposed to us continued as I watched the unsuspecting inhabitants try and figure out who we were. It was only then that my thoughts started to linger on the idea that my decision was about to decide all of their fate.

_Remember your duty._

I had to get my shit together. The stormtroopers file in behind me and with my signal, annihilation commences on the planet. My eyes only flickered once this time as I watched the murder and blood shed happening before my eyes. I didn't know what planet this was, who these people were or what lives they had. I knew _nothing_ about the people that were dying before me, under _my_ orders.

 _Stop thinking about it._ **_Now!_ **

Aggravated with the horrendous conditions and my consistent guilt-filled thoughts, I attempted to return to the ship when my brother caught my arm.

"And just where do you think you're going?" He questioned, grip tight on my upper arm, thumbs pressing harshly against the clothed skin. His nose was blanketed with a red glow, the coldness also taking an effect on him. He of course had never been in this type of weather either, just like I hadn't, but he was doing a far better job at covering it up than I was. As usual he had to find some way to be better than me, even if it did sacrifice his own health. But his stone hard gaze never left the scene before him, his pride in the events unfolding all too evident.

I gave no response and tugged my arm out of his grasp before returning back to the ship. I rubbed my hands together rapidly, hoping any bits of heat would return to my dropping body temperature. Feeling returning back in my hands, I tucked my wild red strands of hair around my ears and fixed my uniform, brushing the traces of powdery white snow off.

I rounded the corner to a tucked away corridor and tried to wipe clean the memories stained and smeared across my brain of all the murder I just witnessed. Sometimes I felt like it was never getting easier, that each mission was just as hard as the one before. But I did well, I try to convince myself. I didn't let it show how scarred I was and I continued to prove my value to the First Order.

I felt something scurry across my foot and shyed away from it instinctively. It was Millicent.

"God Millie, don't scare me like that!" I say startled. She meowed once at me and I picked up the little fur ball and cuddled her tight. She was a sweetheart with an attitude, which somehow made her perfect for Armitage.

No one drove me crazier than my brother.

Armitage had issues, no doubt about it. It all stemmed from our childhood. He was born to a lowly kitchen woman instead of my mother, our father's wife. Our father hated him for it, being reminded every time he saw his face of his inexcusable mistake and bastard son. This left me as our father's darling little girl. I looked like my mother, was raised like a proper girl should, and was the perfect example he could show off to all the other generals. Leaving Armie in my tracks, I know the type of abuse he endured at the hands of my father and the ridicule that came with it.

But I was a child.

I had no control over how our father treated him or my mother. I didn't condone what they did to him but how the hell was I supposed to stop them?! I know Armitage blames me for it to this day, that I was the beloved legitimate child and he wasn't and I didn't do anything to help. But it was completely out of my control.

I don't know why I still get my panties in a twist about it, Armitage got his revenge when he killed our father. I won't say my father was some great amazing man but that day... that day is what ruined any type of sibling relationship Armie and I would ever have.

"I've got to stop letting my mind get in the way Mills. I wish I could just shut it off." I whisper to the cat I now cuddled tightly in my arms, the soft purr lulling in my ear.

 _Am I really talking to a_ **_cat?!_ **

Maybe I really have lost it. I release her and watch as she goes to bother someone else nearby. Silly thing. I start to walk back to my command base when I'm stopped.

"Miss General Hux, Pryde is requesting to speak with you." A lower ranking officer told me in passing.

Kill me. It was the annoyingly vapid, **Vaeda Capri**.

She was petite and came just below my shoulder, but her attitude made up for the lack in height. She had tight brown curls that rested at the nape of her neck but were tied tight underneath her hat. Her face showed years of pain and never ending hard work despite her young age. Her diligence to rise in the ranks was an annoyance, as she was willing to do whatever necessary to outdo anyone in her way, including me. But she was good at her job which gave her, her only redeeming quality. Just not as good as me. 

"Yes, thank you Officer Capri." I say returning a polite smile that was laced with sarcasm.

I knew why Pryde wanted to see me. Our meetings had only gotten less discreet over time and I knew some people had to be catching on at this point. I had grown tired of our game anyways if I'm honest, but I'd just suffer through it as usual.

I only complained every so often. Most of the time I was always so worked up about it that it felt like it wasn't even me who was experiencing it. But when the memories would trickle in of every encounter, I'd be reminded of what I was doing and why I continued it. Living in this world, one already full of lies, death, absolute utter destruction of everything around me. This was just another piece of the never ending hell.

With how misogynistic our society was here anyway, Pryde would blame it on me if he was ever caught. That I was the tease who wore a uniform a size too small, making it fit my body so snug. That I gave him blowjob eyes and bit my lip when I talked to him. God, give it a _break_! He wasn't special. It took me virtually no time convincing all the generals, officers, even Snoke of my irresistibility. Besides being attractive, I gave them every trait they'd ever wanted in one of their own, I was what Snoke had dreamt of in his own prodigy. But it was all still a game. A way for me to stay alive, move up in the ranks, and be on the winning team.

Pryde was just apart of that.

Just a simple puzzle piece in the First Order game.

My heeled boots tapped the hard metal underneath with every step, my form fitting uniform slowly suffocating me as I inched closer to Pryde's quarters. But I held my head up high and let a few deep breaths out to calm my nerves. I just needed to be in and out and get it over with.

I knocked on the door three times with a special rhythm he would know was from me.

"I've been waiting for you. Come in."

The smirk etched across his face sent chills up my spine. He had been drinking, a lot. His room was scattered with bottles, littering the place completely. He must've snuck them in from Canto Bight, that filthy goddamn planet.

The door closed behind me as I walked around the empty bottles and found a comfortable seat near the edge of the bed. I clasped my hands together and wrung them nervously, palms covered in sweat. I heard the rustling from behind me of his uniform being taken off and I gulped anxiously.

_Just be in and out._

I remind myself and as I turned around, there he was completely undressed.

"Come on now baby, don't be shy. Strip." He commanded, the drunken slur of his voice ever so evident.

And what he commanded is what I did.


	2. Chapter 2

"God that was amazing." Pryde said out of breathe buttoning up his uniform. His gray hair was slicked back with sweat which was miraculous considering it only lasted a few minutes.

I ignored what he said and quickly redressed, anxious to get out of this god forsaken room and away from him. The sex was subpar as usual and I did not finish either - shocker I know.

"Got to go, I'll see you in a few." Was all I responded with as I attempted to leave the room immediately. He caught me just before I could slide out the door.

"You'll get rewarded, you always do." He said slyly, coming up to me and touching the hair that fell around my face.

I mustered out a half smile and finally got the hell out of there.

I held my shoes in my free hand, quickening my pace as I followed all the countless corridors away from his quarters. The boots on the metal ground always echoed and the last thing I needed was anyone seeing where I came from. Sure people had their suspicions about us, but that doesn't mean I wanted to be caught anytime soon.

Finally far enough way, I stop for a minute to zip my boots back up.

"Hey, you didn't respond to my messages." Anya said approaching me.

"Oh shit. Nevermind." She said glancing at my disheveled look and final zip of my left boot.

Anya was my best friend onboard and the closest thing to family considering Armitage and I's messed up relationship. She had a horrid childhood leaving her with one of the only stable options available, to join the First Order. To her, what our order did was just business and apart of the fucked up universe we lived in. As she said it, she had a place to sleep and food to eat and that's all that mattered to her. Which I could relate to but my father was also apart of this order before we were and put Armie and I in this mess in the first place. Since she joined later, she was a lower ranking officer, but she was happy with her position since it helped her fly under the radar.

Which she greatly needed since she has a romantic relationship with a stormtrooper...

Needless to say, their relationship was incredibly dangerous. If Phasma ever found out, they'd both be slaughtered in two seconds for him disobeying his life's mission and for Anya assisting him do it. It was a wonder to me how any of the stormtroopers were able to break free from that mindset but KD-1831, or Kade as Anya and I referred to him, was truly different. He was kind and sweet, just forced into a life of murdering people.

But because of their own secret relationship, I was able to confess to Anya about Pryde and I and she never judged me for it.

"Yep, you know the drill." I respond to her as we start walking to our meeting.

"Well how did the rest of the day go? Mission went alright?" She says, discreetly trying to hide her worry about Kade slipping up in the field.

"Yes, Kade was fine. It was fucking freezing though so I left early on. Which Armitage just loved." I answer rolling my eyes.

"Adelaide...don't try to hide that with me! I know you leave because you can't handle seeing them perform." Anya said stopping and forcing me to stop too.

"Perform? Anya they're killing people, innocent people! And I have to act like it's so perfectly normal?!"

"Stop it. You need to hide this better before people start catching on-"

"Catching on to what huh? That I'm not the perfect First Order minion that everyone thinks I am?" I yell just a bit too loud.

I take a deep breath regaining my composure.

"Look, I'm doing my best okay." I say calmly.

"You're doing pretty damn good by the looks of it. You're about to catch up to your brother." She says returning to her normal gait as we pass by the TIE fighters bay.

She was right. Armitage was right below Kylo Ren in ranks and I was about to be on the same level with him. Which he would of course berate me for and do everything in his power to knock me down another level.

But fucking _Kylo Ren_.

No one could get above him and his conniving, sick twisted ways. And unbelievably that was just what built a perfect leader for our order. I mean Snoke treated him like a little angel, a perfectly behaved puppy dog that was trained just for him. Except he was an egotistical pig trained in absolute annihilation and murder.

God I hated him so bad.

It was people like him that made me question if this was all worth it. I just could not fathom that a position like ours would bring joy to anyone. Or the fear he stirred up in people, how that could please him? Luckily I wasn't wooed by his antics so easily and was not scared of him in the slightest.

Anya and I arrived at the meeting just in time and grabbed two seats away from Armitage and Vaeda Capri - we both shared a mutual hatred for her. Armitage and Pryde were the leaders of today's meeting of course. There was a good amount of generals and officers that had to attend which could only mean it was something of importance.

Pryde walked to the head of the table, straightening his slightly wrinkled uniform. From the looks of it he had sobered up quite a bit.

As he started talking, I zoned out completely. It was the same dulling information as always, updates on our missions and what not.

As Armitage went up to speak, Anya nudged me out of my daze so I could pay attention.

"Now as we all know, the creation of Starkiller Base and it's weapon has been in the works for many years now," Armitage reported.

"But with the news that the weapon is nearing completion, this will be our permanent base from now on." He continued.

This arctic planet is where we're going to be based now? Seriously? I guess I better get used to these temperatures.

"How deadly will this weapon be?" Vaeda questioned. The information we had received about it's creation had been limited now. It was a don't ask don't tell policy here around here.

"Deadly enough to wipe out the New Republic." Armitage responded proudly.

"How long will it take?" Asked another officer. 

"One more year and we can fulfill the Supreme Leader's orders in its entirety." Armitage answered.

"And in other news, Miss General Hux has been promoted. You now have a place in the- " Armitage stopped, gritting his teeth before finishing his sentence.

"Supreme Council." He finished.

I was shocked. Pryde held up to his word, that's for sure. I was now in the council with him, and many other First Order leaders. It was an extremely coveted spot. I caught other generals staring daggers at me, eat up with jealousy that I had another promotion so soon after my last. But Armitage was furious, you could see it all over his face. I had finally caught up to him. Ren lurked at a seat in the back, watching everything happening around him but not saying a word. It was unlike him but I diverted my attention elsewhere.

"Thank you." I responded curtly as Armitage sat down.

As the meeting was adjourned, I had little time to contemplate my new position before I was whisked away by Phasma.


	3. Chapter 3

"Tell me how you did it." Phasma asked sternly.

"What? What are you even talking about?!" I ask her annoyed.

With the meeting adjourned, the attendees filed out at a rapid pace. A load of evil sadistic work awaited them as usual and they were eager to return to their positions. Maybe they thought if they got lucky they could start to move up as well.

"How did you move up so quickly? I don't understand." She huffed, pulling off her mask. Her blonde short hair was flopped over to one side and fell in soft waves by her cheek. She was gigantic next to me, the metal suit she wore only emphasizing her large stature.

"Come on, you know as much as anyone that my father was apart of this up until he died. Armitage is equally high up in the ranks himself yet no one is questioning him!"

"Because he worked his ass off for it for years like the rest of us. You're not like us to begin with. This is ridiculous, you do half the work and get ten times the credit!"

"I do not! And that could be said for Ren or even Snoke himself. I work harder than them at least, you can give me that."

"Whatever, you keep telling yourself that. And you better start accepting the way things are around here, don't act like I can't see how you can't handle what our order does. See you in the next meeting _kiddo_." She said before replacing her helmet back on and grabbing her blaster.

She was right technically, I didn't even really deserve to be this high up now. I had jumped up two spots, bypassing at least a dozen generals who had worked for this spot for years. And I had been letting it slip more than usual my certain distaste for the massacres the order produced. But I had to just keep up a facade around Phasma and everyone else. I couldn't let it show that I was hesitant on my deserving of this spot. Besides, it was a love / hate relationship with her. She liked me to an extent but it was incidents like these that irritated her.

You know, my guess is though that there's a soft side in her that she didn't like to show. I guess I should be thankful though that she was willing to open up to me the small amount she had. Nevertheless, I believe being asked to join the Supreme Council had ticked everyone off.

And what I did not like was being referred to as "kiddo". Yes I was younger than everyone aboard this ship, and certainly every other general but that shouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Ugh who am I kidding! This is an absolute fucking disaster.

God, the looks on their faces, the judgement that they all held of me. I couldn't stop thinking about it. And I know that's because I'm aware of how undeserving I am of this spot.

But fuck it.

I'm determined to show how dedicated I am so that everyone could stop questioning this. I can't keep making excuses so I might as well put in the damn work already and tighten things up around here. I'll play the part, be a bitch, and make sure all the officers fall in line.

I got my things together and went to go back to my room when I was stopped.

"Hey, they've actually made room for you over on the east end." A random male officer said in passing.

"What? Are you serious?" I try to say quietly, seeing the stares we were catching already.

"Yeah, Pryde went ahead and already got it all set up. Guess it's moving day for you."

The area in question was the largest wing onboard and was designated for only the top generals. This is where Pryde, Ren, Armitage, and Phasma all resided. It was huge, the entire wing split up so each leader got vast amounts of space. I had obviously been there quite a bit to see Pryde but if you were there for any reason other than an exact order, you were in _big_ trouble. It was the one place everyone dreamed of living aboard the ship, the quietest and calmest.

And now I was moving in there. I couldn't even believe it.

I thanked him under my breath and went ahead and returned to my former room to grab a few things. It was finally nightfall so lots of commotion was happening as everyone was going to retire in their rooms for the night. That was one thing I would definitely not miss. Most officers and lower ranking generals were all crammed on the west end. It was not always pleasant and not the most comfortable. It was noisy considering this was one of the only places not policed by the higher ups and sometimes you could barely catch a wink of sleep. You basically lived in a communal shoebox.

Muttering a few pleasant greetings to those I passed, I tried to get in and out quickly. It's not like I had a lot of possessions, so I tucked them under my arms and found a stormtrooper that was more than happy to help me out with the rest of my things. He was happy in a sense to assist me...or was more or so coerced into helping me with threats.

Look I didn't like threatening them. Or anyone for that matter, it wasn't really in my nature. But I was serious on making my mark, I was going to show everyone that I did deserve this damn position! I'll make them eat their words.

Stormtrooper in tow, I continued towards the east wing. I was halfway there when I saw out of the corner of my eye, what liked like stormtrooper gear thrown randomly across a tucked away corridor. Knowing all the prying eyes around here, I figured I'd look at it myself.

"Excuse me for a moment." I said to the stormtrooper before stepping aside to investigate.

Following the armor that was strewn around, it quickly dawned on me who this all belonged to. Anya and Kade were fooling around. They're lucky as hell that I'm the one who walked in on this instead of a hardass like Pryde.

"What the fuck are you two doing!" I whisper loud enough for them to stop their steamy make out session. They were practically naked for the whole world to see.

Kade's face glowed red and Anya rolled her eyes. Of course Anya was behind it, that stubborn ass rule breaker. I rubbed my hands across my face in annoyance and tried to pretend I did not just see that.

"Get out of here now before someone else comes in." I say sternly, walking back to resume my former stance.

Thankfully the stormtrooper had stayed right where I left him and was very obedient. He stayed quiet the rest of the way to my new quarters, only speaking once to ask which way we needed to turn. I appreciated his laxness as my mind was already swirling with enough thoughts.

I was going to have to have a serious talk with Anya. With my new position, I could've had them killed for doing that. Literally slaughtered with no care in the world. And she needed to realize that and take into serious consideration how dangerous this was.

Finally through the maze of this huge ship, we arrived at my new quarters.

"Hey, thank you for everything. I'll be sure to put in a good word for you with Phasma, what's your identification?" I asked the stormtrooper, my stupid kind nature coming out.

"EI-1107." He responded promptly. I passed him a smile before he turned on his heels and left for the night.

I scanned my hand on on the electric security pad and it lit up green.

Upon entrance, I was awestruck at just how much room I now had. What in the world was I going to do with all this space! I start to put my little knick knacks down and go back outside to pick up my one larger keepsake.

As I open my door, I caught Armitage passing in front of me to go farther down the hall.

"Didn't daddy tell you? _Sluts_ don't belong with the elite." Armitage said, practically spitting on me.

Okay that one hurt.

I didn't even have time to think about what he just said before Ren comes around the corner.

"Family reunion?" He said condescendingly, having watched our last interaction. "Stay out of my way."

Sensing just how unhappy my new neighbors were with my arrival, I shut my door and tried not to cry myself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Waking up to peace and quiet was something I could get used to. I opened my eyes and was met with the same cold emptiness of my new room that I had been waking up to the past few days. It was stark white, with shiny tile but was just plain. I had unpacked a few things and started to make it more my own but it still felt lonely.

I stumble my way out of bed and stretch my arms out, yawning in front of my closet. Shedding my old sleep clothes, I grab a clean uniform from my closet and dress. I went to the bathroom to brush my hair out and slick it back into a ponytail that brushed the nape of my neck.

I groaned at the thought of seeing him tonight.

Pryde as usual had sent me a reminder that we had another meeting tonight. It had barely been enough time since our last "meeting" but I suppose with the importance of my new position he figured he owed more. Which was bullshit considering I didn't ask for this at all.

All I wanted honestly was to be safe and for my position to be safe. Officers could be replaced and interchanged so easily, same as stormtroopers. All it took for them was one fuck up to be tossed out or thrown to the wolves. I just wanted some security that the same thing wasn't going to happen to me damn it!

And if I have to fuck Pryde a hundred more times to make that happen then I guess I'd just suck it up and do it. I was running out of ranks to move up at this point however. Eventually it would turn into me just having to fuck him to keep my spot. Hell we'd kept it a secret for this long already, I'm sure we could manage it a bit longer.

Starting off the morning already annoyed, I zip my ugly thick boots on and am ready to _dominate_. It was time to prove myself to all the assholes that judged me and gave me dirty looks when I passed by.

Exiting my quarters, I keep my head up high and put on my bitch face. I was not fucking around today. As I walked past the TIE fighters bay, I noticed two stormtroopers in a back corner chatting with their helmets off.

Perfect my first opportunity to prove myself.

"What the hell are you two doing? Put your helmets on _now._ Unless you want me to goget Phasma." I threaten.

They looked at me for a second and scoffed continuing the conversation they were having before I interrupted them.

"Excuse me it seems you misheard me." I say grabbing my data pad, "Phasma I have a code yellow situation down by the TIE fighters."

Their mouths dropped open and I watched their eyes grew wide as they were taken aback by my seriousness. They stood up scared and put their helmets back on. "Now get up and go do your fucking job." I say as sternly as I can.

They left quickly back to their base onboard the ship having escaped Phasma's torment for now. I think that was a good start to proving myself, I made my intentions clear and acted on it. Maybe I could get used to this after all.

I walked to my post and settled in for the day ready to start my duties. I glanced at the stack of files at my station that were about to topple over. I shouldn't have to file stupid paperwork with my new position, that's for the lowest of the low.

Noticing Vaeda was about to walk over I figured I could go ahead and get rid of it.

"Officer Capri. This daft work will just not do, I'm going to need you to file all these for me." I say patting the high stack of papers to my right. "Are we clear?"

She gulped harshly and tried to put on a fake smile despite the ever so obvious hatred she was feeling at the moment.

"Of course Miss General Hux. I'll get right on it." She replied. She grabbed the stack of files and held them tightly between her arms as there had to have been at least fifty she needed to carry.

Satisfied with that now out of my way, I could focus on the more important work I needed to take care of. I sorted through the remaining few files to the left of me and saw one labeled "Confidential". Intriguing to say the least. I open it up and flip my fingers through the papers seeing that this file was about our next mission. _My_ first mission being in the Supreme Council.

In the fine print, it detailed who was to go on the mission, what stormtroopers would be brought, what kinds of weapons needed. This was going to be a deadly one, no doubt about it.

I scanned my finger over the tiny words to find what date this would be happening on.

 _Ugh_.

One week from now.

That felt like hardly enough time for me to prepare. This was my first big job with my new position and to make matters worse my brother and Ren were coming with me? This was going to be a nightmare.

We had a Supreme Council meeting before then so I'm sure it would be brought up in more detail during that time. I guess I should be thankful Pryde wasn't going on this mission and should just take the atrocity of Armie and Ren.

It's not like Kylo talked much to us anyway. He would rather us just stay out of his way frankly. But I knew my brother and I being that close to each other over a matter this serious was going to go up in flames, we'd never agree on anything.

I rubbed my head feeling a headache coming on from the stress of this mission that hasn't even happened yet. I close the files back and hear footsteps coming up to my station.

I turned my head to see a stormtrooper approaching me.

"Hi? Can I help you?" I ask confused. Stormtroopers weren't allowed anywhere near these stations.

"Phasma wants me to watch you. Uh sorry, I mean protect you." He said nervously. "Because people hate you with your new job and everything."

Huh... that's interesting. No one else with my position had this type of protection nor the hatred that apparently the workers shared for me. But I suppose I'll take the protection if Phasma really thought I needed it.

"Okay then. I'm sure we can find a way to make this work I guess. Just don't talk to me unless spoken to, yes?"

"Of course ma'am." He said politely.

He sounded familiar, very familiar.

"Were you the one who helped me with my things the other day?"

"Yes I was." He said surprised. To basically everyone, all stormtroopers sounded the same and looked well identical so it's not like they were paid any mind. But I paid attention more than most. "EI-1107 if you remember."

"I do remember. Well that's great then that we're already familiar." I smile.

"Yes ma'am. The word you gave to Phasma must've gotten me this spot. Thank you." He said kindly though the mechanic voice box.

Compared to the type of work he's used to doing, this must be a breath of fresh air. Sure I may be playing this bitch role now but he was nice and helpful. I wouldn't treat him like my slave.

_God there you go again! You're just too damn nice._

"But this is a serious job, EI. I'm sure you understand that. So no messing around." I tell him standing up.

"Yes ma'am." He answered.

With my own bodyguard, strutting past these losers will be easier than ever. I wish someone would give me a dirty look now, they'll have another thing coming.


	5. Chapter 5

"Do you know what everyone's been saying about you? Everyone hates you now." Anya told me after hours.

I had finished another day yelling at people, glaring, threatening. I fit right in with my colleagues more and more everyday. But there was a price to pay.

"Look it's not a big deal. You think people like my brother or Ren?" I ask sitting down on my bed, all ready to go to sleep.

Anya has been coming over at night to my quarters when most people had gone to sleep. It was the only company I had here besides my appointments with Pryde. I had never even shared a bed before with anyone, and now Anya was right beside me, literally breathing on me.

But I couldn't complain. I had been the one to offer her to come over more since the influx in residents on the west end but it slowly had turned into her staying the night more often than not. I couldn't blame her for not wanting to stay on the other side of the ship now, I mean they were packed.

The order had to add in more recruits to keep up with the missions and deaths of some officers. I had yet to hear the mission briefing for our upcoming one, but I knew it was of utmost importance if we had to bring on this volume of newbies.

I dreaded going to my first Supreme Council meeting. It was at 12 noon tomorrow on the dot. I was so nervous I honestly felt like I could throw up. I mean this is what everyone onboard dreams of and I just...don't want it.

"I can see those wheels turning in your head, don't try and fool me! You're thinking about that meeting tomorrow aren't you." Anya asks concerned.

I was biting my lip in response to my thoughts and had been buried in my own anxiousness. I had read the briefing on the mission previously but was just so on edge.

"But of course." I sigh. "You know me too well."

"Look you're overthinking it. You deserve this damn spot! Everyone on the council knows it."

"I mean not really...but what if Snoke shows up! Or god forbid if Armitage tries to do something to ruin things." I say worried.

"No stop it. You're stressing too much! Everything will just fine okay, I promise." She says sweetly, trying to reassure me.

The light was turned out and she crawled under the covers. I followed and was nice and warm in my big king bed. Maybe I'm just overreacting with her staying her overnight. I mean what's the point of all this room without someone to share it with, right?

———————————————————————————

"Good afternoon." I say sitting down in the large conference room where the other Supreme Council members were seated.

Armitage glared at me with such a level of disgust-the only person that that made me feel that dirty and wrong. Phasma had sat next to me with her helmet off which was comforting. Pryde was at the head of the table and looked nauseated that I would ever come in with such a greeting.

I clear my throat. "So where's Ren?" I ask.

"Nevermind him. Not important." Pryde said, gathering the files in front of him and straightening them.

"We should probably wait for him though-"

"No. Don't act like you know how to run things around here. You don't. So shut up and pay attention." Pryde told me.

I had never heard him speak that way to me before when we were around other people. My cheeks burned red and I caught Armitage sneering to himself.

The door burst open and in strides Kylo Ren.

Was he always this tall? Or is it because I'm sitting? He looked more intimidating from this angle but he still wasn't that scary.

He sat down at the other head of the table and took his mask off. He raked his hands through his long hair and threw his mask on the table.

He looked exhausted and annoyed. I watched him run his hands over his forehead and squeeze his eyes shut as he tried to compose himself.

I felt for him.

Kind of... I mean he was pretty brutal. But this  
job could tire anyone out. Nevertheless our business had no time to wait. And I was worried about his reaction to him coming with me.

"So kind of you to join us." Pryde says annoyed. "Our new mission from the Supreme Leader is of utmost importance. If we do not conquer it he will be relentless in making his stance known so you all better cooperate." He said condescendingly, as if we already weren't aware of Snoke's wrath.

"Just give me the mission." Kylo said bothered.

"A map to Luke Skywalker. That's the goal. Since you're so ready to go, I'll make it brief for you." Pryde said his anger rising.

"You, Armitage, and Miss Hux. Take the Finalizer out to the only information we have. You'll be going to a different system. Don't fuck up."

He threw the briefing papers down in front of Kylo as he rolled his eyes and put his mask back on, not even bothering to look at the papers.

From across the room was Armitage, royally pissed that I was accompanying him on something of such importance. No one even believed that Luke was real anymore, and yet we'd gotten information on his whereabouts?! This was huge and yet all they could be was annoyed and upset.

"Phasma, gather your best troopers for this. It will be a long time before we get anywhere but we will be the first ones to find him. I don't care how dangerous it is. You're dismissed."

I got up to leave but was pushed down by Pryde's hand.

"But not you." He whispered.

I took a big gulp and shifted nervously in my seat. I didn't even want to know what reason he had for keeping me but I was soon to find out.

"You my love," He kissed my ear. "Meet me at midnight."

His hand left my neck and I felt the hair standup at the loss of his touch. My eyes filled with tears and I wiped them away as I gathered myself. Disgusted, I left the room as soon as he was gone and stumbled into a large figure.

"Sorry." I mumble, brushing past them to continue my way into my only safety here.

I literally could not breathe. It felt like my uniform was tightening around my neck, I was sick to my stomach. My first big mission would include my brother who hates me and the killing machine that couldn't stand me or anyone else. Their reactions were all I needed to know. There was no way I could do this, I didn't stand a chance.


	6. Chapter 6

"Anya I can't- I can't do this anymore." I say nearly hyperventilating as I came back to my quarters.

"Hey, slow down. What happened, are you okay?" She asked concerned as I gripped the edge of the bed. I felt like I was about to throw up.

"Pryde wants to see me again. This is the third time in like a week! It's getting to the point where he doesn't- he just-"

"Shhh it's okay. Just talk it out." She says comfortingly, rubbing her hand down my back in soft motions.

I take a deep breath and try to stop the rushing flow of tears that kept falling.

"I know I said I could keep doing this with him but it's never going to end. I'm never going to be able to escape him and his needs. I'm like his slave Anya."

"Look at me. This is not forever okay. You do not have to submit to him forever."

"But I do! If I want any life for myself I have to stay here and do this. I just am so tired of it Anya. So fucking tired."

She listens to me cry for the next twenty minutes as I let out every emotion I've been trying to suppress for the past few weeks. I know she had work to do and I did too but it was so comforting.

As I tried to gather myself so I could go about my day, my stormtrooper EI came in unexpectedly.

"Miss General- oh, oh no. I'm sorry I'll leave." He said, quickly realizing how disheveled I looked.

"No EI, it's okay. I'm fine really." I try to argue as I fix my hair quickly and put my shoes back on.

He waited there quietly, silently observing as I finished getting myself together and Anya as well. I knew this was uncharted territory for him as his life has been comprised of training since birth of kill, kill, kill.

"Okay I'm ready." I say meeting him at the door.

As we started to walk back to where I was stationed for the day, I began to make conversation with him.

"EI, you won't tell anyone about earlier, right?" I ask gently.

"Of course not. I shouldn't have even been there, I'm so sorry for coming into your quarters." He says overly apologetic.

"Hey, you're fine. That's kind of job now, I'm sorry I was such a wreck." I laugh.

He stopped right after I said that and turned his head anxiously.

"Miss I don't want to offend you but, I don't understand why you're talking to me like this. Or allowing me to conversate back."

"Look, EI. Okay that's getting really annoying, I'm just going to call you Eli," I say, deciding to give him a proper name.

"People hate me. A lot. I stole a position from men who have worked years for it and I have skipped, I don't even know how many generals who started at the same place as me."

"Miss I don't understand-"

"You will have to protect me for a long time Eli. People here don't get over things like this so easily. If I would've known Pryde was going to jump me this many positions I would've told him to fuck off." I say irritated. My eyes widened as I realized what I just said about Pryde.

"Wait forget I said that. Bottom line is, you're going to be with me for a while and we might as well be friends. It's not apart of your job description but it would make things easier. So friends?" I ask.

"Yes. Friends." He responds, finally seeing himself as more than a puppet.

———————————————————————————

"No you were totally in the wrong dude!" Kade laughs.

Him, Anya, and Eli were all in my room as we hung out together for the hundredth time this week. No one would bother us here in my quarters, so it was perfect for letting us all unwind. With Anya's convincing, we all eventually made it a routine.

"Nah man my unit is so much better than yours." Eli quips back.

Eli was opening up more over this week and I was happy. Sure it was kind of illegal of me to be allowing him to do all this but who cares. What good was this big ole position without using some of it's advantages?"

"Eli. Don't you think you could take your helmet off now?" I plead. I admit, I was desperate to see what he looked like under his helmet.

Kade has been taking his helmet off for a while now. He had piercing green eyes and a mop of chestnut brown hair. It framed his face nicely though and and was a good contrast against his olive skin. The more he had been coming around throughout the past few days, the more I saw how well he fit with Anya.

"I'm sorry, I can't. It's just," He sighed.

"It's not right. It's not how we were raised. And I don't want to risk anything to get me killed." He finished hanging his head low. He was still so reserved and timid. It was kind of sweet, how he was so careful about everything. But I knew I was being overboard, he had spent his entire life doing just about everything according to the rulebook.

"Eli, I would never let them do anything to you. You're my friend." I say trying to comfort him.

"For that matter you're all my friends. If anything happens and you need help, I will be there. Okay?" I look around the room talking to all of them.

"Damn, why can't you be like this all the time? You're such a hardass in the field." Kade jokes in response. I nudge him and we all crack up in fits of laughter.

"Well she's a big shot now. She gets to go on a mission with ooo Kylo Ren." Anya laughs, making fun of how all the girls liked him.

"Oh shut up! It's not like it's going to be enjoyable. He'll either not say a word or be a complete asshole. Lots of great options there." I respond sarcastically.

I moved up to my bed as I got more comfortable for the night.

"You know I don't even understand why so many girls onboard like him. He's literally a killing machine. That's not really super attractive." I say.

Then realizing that Kade and Eli do that everyday of their lives, I retract it immediately.

"Shit I didn't mean it like that. I just meant he likes killing people that's all."

"Well shouldn't you enjoy that too?" Kade asked honestly.

I sat for a moment thinking about how to respond. I picked at my fingernails and tried to figure out if should reveal how much I don't like doing that.

"Yeah well, I guess I'm just different or something." I sigh.

I didn't like admitting that I was having conflicting feelings. It was actually the last thing I wanted to do but these were my friends. They had to understand, I mean this was the basis of their lives too. Eli had gotten spared thanks to me and now gets to follow me around all day. But I knew that not all of those stormtroopers wanted to kill.

We ended things for the night and I curled up tightly in my sheets. This stupid freezing planet was even making the ship cold! I cursed silently as I tried to get warm and comfortable before letting my mind start to wander.

Ren and Armitage and me tomorrow. In one ship.

Lord help me.


	7. Chapter 7

"The schedule says we had to leave an hour ago, where is he?!" Armitage said angrily.

We were supposed to already be onboard and on our way to the Hosnian system, but we were still here at the First Order base. Kylo had been a no show.

"I don't know but you yelling like that isn't going to help." I remark annoyed.

He rolled his eyes in response and pulled two passing by officers to go find out where Kylo was. They rushed off immediately at his orders and I was forced to stay there with Armitage.

We waited in silence.

The type of silence that is so cumbersome and unbearable, you just want to escape as soon as possible. We easily could’ve gotten into it right then and there but we both knew it would become explosive once we started. Nevertheless, we managed to remain calm until Ren showed up.

I ran my gloved thumb and fingers between each other nervously. It was an anxious tick that I had and I was struggling to keep my nerves at bay. I couldn’t fail my first mission, this was my way in to showing Snoke how good I am and that I deserve this spot! I’m not going to let Kylo ruin this for me.

God, the nerve of this man to make us wait! His authority was never questioned since he was Snoke's prodigy and Master of the Knights of Ren and all that bullshit — but it was not an excuse.

He was not intimidating to me in the slightest. I grew up in the First Order with a father who beat my brother and cheated on my mother. I was only secure here for so long because of my dad but after his death, it easily could've been the end for me. I was lucky.

But I was no fool though. I knew it would have disgusted my father, him knowing how I made my way up the ranks. His son actually working the hard way was what should have been celebrated but it was not. I guess I blamed myself somewhat for that too.

"Let's go." Ren said mechanically as he finally approached us at the launch bay.

I glanced at his disheveled appearance. His left glove was barely on and his leather pants weren't tucked into his boots. I could see beads of sweat across his clammy half gloved hand, an indication that he either ran here or had been doing something strenuous. He caught my stares and turned away. Out of breath and annoyed, he rammed his hand into the glove and curled his fingers into it, fastening it in place. He looked a mess to be quite honest.

Armitage and I followed him to his command shuttle, Ren's personal ship.

It was tight quarters but nothing I couldn't handle. Our engineers had just fixed it from the last time Ren had battled and caused damage, something that happened quite frequently.

Armitage immediately went to sit in the copilot seat.

"Um excuse me but I'm sitting there." I told him, knocking him out of the way to sit down instead. He shoved my arm and tried to force me up. "No, you go in the passenger compartment where you belong!" He yelled back.

His weak upper arm strength was no match to try and get me up out of the seat. But there was also no way he'd let me win.

"Ren get up then, I'll fly." Armitage said after trying to pull me out of the seat with no success.

"What." Kylo muttered in response. He didn't even bother to face Armitage, dumbfounded that he would even ask such a thing. I was shocked myself.

"You heard me, I'll fly." He repeated once more. Armitage couldn’t fly, the only time he had tried when were young he did awful at. Was he really that desperate to beat me? Kylo spun around in his pilot seat and ripped his helmet off.

"Let me make this clear," Kylo says, slowly rising from his seat. "I don't care what you two's problem is. Work it out and shut the fuck up." He finished, fully in Armitage's face now as his anger rose.

His voice reverberated off the sides of the ship, the volume increasing the more irritated he got. I was happy someone put my brother in his place.

"Great. So go to the passenger compartment then." I told Armitage with a sickly sweet smile. He gave me a death glare but I was used to them from him at this point.

"Hey! You cannot-" He started spitting angrily at me.

"Go, now." Kylo said interrupting Armitage, not letting him get another word in. He furiously went to the passenger compartment, away from all the excitement that happened in the cockpit. I was glad I won this fight though and that Kylo backed me up.

I didn't have a real reason for wanting to fight him so hard for this seat, except for this being my first big mission with the top leaders. Despite my hesitations, this was still a great deal of importance to my career and I wanted to be up where the action was.

Plus I'd never seen Kylo fly before. I just had to know if he was as good as everyone says he is. He had gotten this reputation for some reason right?

Kylo started the engine and before I knew it, we were traveling at light speed. Courtsilius was the planet we were headed for in the system. Only there did the woman Li'an Qudota lie, the one possible source of information on Luke's whereabouts. Lord knows that's the only reason we would come to this system as it was filled with New Republic and Resistance supporters.

But we would be as discreet as possible to not cause attention to ourselves. We were only here for one thing. Or one person really.

“So what do you know about Li’an?” I asked Kylo, attempting to make conversation later in the trip. He gave me a sideways glance as he tried to stay focused on navigating.

“That she needs to be destroyed.” He answered simply.

“Well sure but isn’t there something more you know? Like how she could possibly know where Luke is?” I pressed for more information.

“No.” Kylo responded. His hands tightened around the steering controls and he breathed rhythmically as he prepared to enter the system.

So much for trying to talk to him. I wrapped my arms around myself comfortingly and tried to just take in the surroundings as we approached Courtsilius.

I watched the way his hands glided across the controls, as if it was what they were made for. I couldn’t stop staring at how effortlessly he flipped every switch, stretched his index fingers across the small buttons, steered with no hesitation. My eyes were just glued to him and not the planet we were landing on. We touched down with ease as we came in contact with the planet, thanks to Kylo. It was a short way from our base if you consider how big the galaxy was.

“You’re a really good pilot.” I comment briefly to Kylo. I knew he had already noticed my stares with how observant he was.

“T-thank you.” He stuttered before clearing his throat to hide the trip up on his words.

I looked down and chuckled to myself as we prepared to exit the ship. I grabbed the few things I brought and Kylo put his mask back on.

“Glad you and the slut get along so well.” Armitage laughed to Kylo as he brushed past me and walked ahead to be the first out of the ship.

I wanted to kill him.

How embarrassing and humiliating for him to call me that in front of a man who’s respect I desperately needed! Biting back angry tears, I followed the two of them and tried to hold my head up high as we began our mission.


	8. Chapter 8

"We have to go to the left, down the Navarath Path!" I yelled to Armitage for the tenth time.

Trying to navigate this foreign planet with these two imbeciles was the absolute bane of my existence. Armitage would not listen to a single thing I was saying, even though I knew from our projection map that I was right and we had to go down Navarath.

"No, he's right. That path will lead us nowhere." Kylo said to me in an eerily calm tone, agreeing with Armitage. His normal anger was a shadow, subdued underneath emotionless monotone replies.

It was so strange. It's like he felt _nothing_. The most peculiar from a man such as himself who harnesses power and pain to his advantage and could never be broken. He was usually a pooling pit of rage and now just nothing?

I couldn't worry about his change in demeanor. He needs to choose a side damn it!

"Well why don't the two of you idiots go right then, and I'll go left. We'll see who ends up there first!" I huff and start down Navarath.

Our ship had landed at the top of the planet's mountain range. Which meant we were winding down a mountain side that was steep and had extremely rocky terrain. The path they were choosing was safer than mine but would definitely steer them in the wrong direction. Li'an would of course _not_ be in a safe place though! She would be in the most remote and untraceable place on this planet.

_One that I had already mapped out to be down this path._

But no how could I possibly be right?! It's not like I studied this all night and went through 34 combinations of the most remote coordinates on this planet — which was _not_ easy. I had calculated it out perfectly and yet they would not even bother.

Night time would soon fall on this planet as well, which means I had to cover as much ground as possible with the remaining daylight. I had the projection map but it would only provide me so much direction, I would have to find the exact point myself.

And I was doing it alone.

My brother abandoning me was no surprise but Kylo blindly agreeing with Armitage was frustrating. I could only hope once he realizes how stupid Armitage is that he would see his mistake.

Okay _I can do this_.

I tip toed down the rust colored brown rocks, watching every foot placement to make sure I didn't slip. Every time I looked down, I saw just how steep this mountain side was and how careful I had to be.

I was hours in and making good steady progress, nearly all the way down to the bottom when I heard crashing rocks coming from above me.

A piercing scream rocketed inside my ear drums, sending waves of panic through me. It was not my scream, no it came from feet above me. The sound echoed and ricocheted off of the falling rocks as they came inevitably crashing towards me.

I slid down the rest of the mountain and rolled down the side to flat land. I crossed my arms around my head to shield myself from the avalanche happening around me.

As the dust settled and the last rocks fell, it was only then that I saw who that shattering scream belonged to.

Kylo.

He laid weak at the other side of the mountain, still as a statue, frozen in this one singular position. He must've lost his footing and fallen down the rest of the way, sending the avalanche down as well. I dashed over to his silent body as I watched his eyelids fight to stay open, battling consciousness.

I was spellbound by this brooding violent man who now laid frail and broken. I dropped down to my knees and his eyes trailed me silently. His obsidian waves cascaded down his scratched face and rested in the blood pooling below.

"Hey Kylo, come on stay awake." I told him, tentatively shaking his seemingly broken shoulder. I picked my hands up and realized they were now soaked in his blood as well. Sniffling back tears I take a deep breath and feel for his pulse. It was barely there but he was still hanging on.

"Kylo stay awake! Damn it, you **cannot** die on me!" I yell and start trying to do compressions — sending back horrendous memories of trying to save my father after Armitage murdered him.

I turned his wrist over and felt his pulse drop slightly and I was panicking. I mean there was no way he would actually die from this right? He's a Force wielder for crying out loud!

I had only fully spent one day with him, I owed him nothing and knew of his horrors. He's never treated me like I was worth anything. But this was no place to die, and I could not live with myself for letting him die.

My mind was swirling with what to do next, how I could possibly help keep him alive. I had no fucking idea what I was doing and I was astounded that Kylo had not managed to catch himself better. He used to be a Jedi! And he lost his footing and couldn't catch himself?

Fuck it. I'm going to do mouth to mouth. His pulse couldn't return to normal without my help, I had to just do it.

Okay, this couldn't be that hard. It's just like kissing him right? _Although that's a disturbing thought._

I leaned down gently and lightly wrapped my hand around his neck to steady myself. His eyelids fluttered gently and his breathing began to shallow, even more of a sign that I had to interfere—there was no longer another choice.

My lips met his and I attempted to breathe life into him but was unsuccessful. I was overrun with emotions as I felt the world stopping completely with each breath. Time is suspended as I once again breathe into him and resume compressions, desperate for some type of response.

"For fucks sake Kylo, **_please!_** " I cry as I try one final time to give him compressions.

The open wound across his side was still bleeding profusely and my hands were now just coated in it. It was a myriad of crimson and copper dust surrounding us, mocking my pleas as he continued to bleed out. I was hopeless now, cursing to myself as to how I let myself fail.

Until I hear a cough sputter out of his cold, pale lips.

I had never heard a more miraculous sound.

The wind engulfed the noise and reverberated it, filling the canyon with beauty and splendor. The galaxy mirrored this miracle, and painted the sky with orange and yellow in a splash of sunset serendipity.

"Oh my god!" I cry, my hands splayed across his large face as he slowly regained consciousness. I felt down to his neck and could tell he was gaining back a normal pulse. He sputtered out more coughs before taking a good breath, and those dark angel eyes thanked me silently.

"Well I suppose my help is now rendered unnecessary." A voice boomed as they approached us at ground level.

A thick brown robe with a menacing hood covered their face and trailed behind them as they stepped towards us.

"No, please we do need help. He is bleeding so much, I don't know what to do!" I plea with the covered figure.

The hood is removed in one swift motion as a beautiful women appears underneath. Caramel skin and jet black shoulder length hair accompanied her blue-green eyes. I had never seen a woman quite like her in my entire life.

"Ben called to me and it's my duty to answer. So your request is accepted." She replied callously, finally making eye contact with me. "Now come along."

With one flick of her fingers, Kylo was suspended in the air trailing behind her and I was summoned to follow her as well.

Whatever she was, _whoever_ she was, I was just grateful I had found help.


	9. Chapter 9

**TRIGGER WARNING: Talk and detail of abuse.**

"Now would you like to tell me what you two were doing coming down that mountain side?" The woman asked as she began to help Kylo.

"I can't really-" I began, trying to keep the details of this under wraps.

Forget it.

"We were sent on a mission here and I knew that only people who _really_ wanted to disappear would have gone down the Navarath path across the side of the mountain." I finished.

I was sat in her small stone hut with a blanket wrapped around me as night time had fully encased this small clearing. Her beauty was only amplified with the light from the small fire beside her.

"I see. Will you tell me who you were looking for?" She questions as she begins to heal Kylo's wounds.

"A woman named Li'an Qudota. She's supposed to have information we need." I sigh as I realize I was absolutely not supposed to be telling her any of this. But she had invited us into her home and was being kind to us. No one had to help Kylo, especially with who he is. _But she was willing to._

"Well," She said removing her hands from his now disappeared wound. "That would be me."

Awestruck at how she had managed to completely heal his wound, without a trace of it left behind, I register what she said.

"What? No, I mean she's supposed to be-"

"A Jedi?" She finishes. "Yes I am. And because of that I'm supposed to stay hidden. Which I am now realizing I did a poor job of if the First Order found me." She says under her breath.

"You know we're First Order? But you called Kylo by a different name, I don't understand."

"Yes, I called him by his _real_ name." She replied, bandaging the gash across his face she didn't have the power to heal. It had drained her to heal his side.

Kylo was mostly awake at this point, just too weak to move. This conversation wasn't hidden from him, he was choosing not to join in on it.

"So Ben, would you like to explain to her how I know you?" Li'an asks him condescendingly. He gulped nervously but was aware she would tell me anyway.

"Well I'll tell you then. We grew up together at the Jedi temple, Luke trained us both. Believe it or not we were actually friends." She explains, finishing the bandages on him.

"And then he turned on us all and burned it to the ground. I luckily escaped with my friend Grogu and a few other Jedi but the rest of them, well you know." She sighed solemnly and took me outside to finish the rest of her story. It was a calming night sky and she was seemingly getting upset by retelling this story.

"The remaining Jedi had to disperse, I can't tell you where the rest of them are because I have no idea. But somehow, when this motherfucker called out to the force today, I found it in me to come save him."

"Thank you for coming, I was desperate. I'm sorry about what happened to you, truly I am. I could never condone his actions regarding that." I apologize to her.

"And that's what makes you special. I've seen my share of First Order and those alike. You're not like them." She said genuinely. I passed her a small smile and tried to hide how nervous I was.

"Don't be nervous, I'm not going to hurt you. I would like to figure you out though." Li'an says honestly.

"Well I don't think I'll be much help there, I think I'm pretty normal." I laugh.

"No, no you're different. You saved Ben and had no reason to. You've been nothing but kind to me, knowing your mission is to slaughter me. So tell me." She said, grabbing my hand in her own as she continued to try and read me.

"I don't know, I'm just not the murdering type. I know there is good in this world and that I'm not apart of it. And I want to be good, I do but the First Order is the only place for me."

"Hmm, I see. Well, I hate to tell you but the First Order is not the place for you then. There is so much out in the galaxy for you. Your giving heart will ruin you if you stay where you are."

I sucked in a calming breath as her 'reading' of me was only causing me more stress. The last thing I needed to hear is that I wouldn't make it— I've sacrificed so much to stay at the top. I wouldn't let that go to waste now.

"Well I have to relay back information to them so if you do know anything about Luke's whereabouts, I have to know." I tell her remembering the mission.

"I don't have any information and if I did I would never tell you." She replied, regaining her cold nature.

I followed her back into the hut as she went to check on Kylo. As she felt his side where she had healed his largest wound, her face noticeably scrunched up. She suspiciously opened his suit and found a multitude of large bruises covering his torso. Yellow and purple, they were all in different healing stages.

With this knowledge, she stripped him completely and found more injuries then she could've thought were possible.

Kylo would've ran for the hills the second anyone tried to put their hands on him like she was but he couldn't, he was exhausted. This was so personal, so intimate and not only was Li'an there but I was too. It felt so invasive.

"Ben look at me. None of these are from your fall so you tell me right now what the hell these are." She asked him harshly.

I stood in the corner, not knowing if I should speak up or not. It was an unsettling tension rising in the room and I personally was sick to my stomach. Abuse was no stranger to me as my childhood was filled with abuse from my father to my brother.

I could not bare knowing that it was happening to someone else who lived right next door to me and I had no idea. How could I miss this? Who was doing this?

"I can't." Kylo muttered out. It was barely even a whisper and I knew it took so much courage and strength to even say that. I was busy wracking my mind as to an answer as to who caused this.

"Yes, you can. Please talk to me." Li'an said concerned. For her to mock my compassion, she was filled to the brim with it for Kylo. That's when it hit me.

"It was Snoke wasn't it." I say approaching him. He practically jumped at me coming up to his bare body that laid beaten in front of me.

Kylo nodded his head once and it was enough for me to have to run out of the hut to hid my sobs. They wracked me fully knowing how massive Snoke was and how strong he was to have battered Kylo the way he has. No one deserved this, I don't care who they are.

I wiped my hands across my face and got the rest of the tears out so I could compose myself. I went back into the hut and saw Li'an beside herself in misery.

"Kylo I know you saw Snoke before we left for the mission and I am so sorry. I wish I would've known, I wish that-"

"No. Do not pity me." He practically spit at me. Ignoring his anger I quipped back at him.

"Kylo, do you even know what you look like right now? My brother never looked like this and our dad beat him regularly. This is _horrifying_." I tell him honestly, still reeling from looking at his poor broken body.

It all clicked now as to his strange demeanor this whole trip. Except now seemed even emptier then when I saw him yesterday. Because he was now stripped of his pride and his dignity. Which he had clearly fought hard to maintain with being Snoke's punching bag. The last thing I wanted to do was to make him feel worse about this and embarrassed so I kept to myself from then on.

Li'an did her best to fix his prior injuries and make him as comfortable as possible for now. I wished that he could stay here to heal but we had to get going. Wherever the hell Armitage was, we needed to find him and leave. We would be expected back on base by tomorrow.

"I cannot thank you enough." I told Li'an before leaving.

"Don't thank me. I will do everything in my power to make sure Snoke pays for this." She says menacingly. I believed her when she said it.

"But you have to tell Snoke something so tell them that I'm dead. That you killed me and burned my body. And for Luke, the most I can tell you is he is on a planet far, far away from here. May the force be with you." Li'an finished.

Kylo was able to sit up on his own and would have to start walking if we were going to make it back to base.

"Put your pride aside and accept my help." I told him as I wrapped his arm around my shoulder and helped him stand up. He listened to me and just went along with whatever I did.

Every step was taken painfully as Kylo tried his best to keep walking towards where we landed. But he was in no way capable of going near the mountain side again, or even flying the ship.

"Look I'm going to go get the ship. You just wait here and try to rest." I tell him at the foot of the mountain.

I helped to lay him down on flat ground so he would be stable and comfortable waiting for me. That's when his soft but fearless eyes held me for the first time and I was captivated.

Like soft soil under your feet in the spring time, golden flames that lick you with their warmth in winter. The autumn leaves and amber rays of dawn were what his eyes held. Enchanted as to how one word could never even try to describe them, I was lassoed in by their light and wanted to stay there forever.

_What was this?_


	10. Chapter 10

Eventually retrieving Armitage a few miles from where I left Kylo, we finally were able to go. He would never admit it but he was quite clearly lost and had been for a while.

_I knew I was right._

He didn't say a word on our way back to Ren's command shuttle. He knew just as well that I was right but had too much pride to admit it. Regardless, I was glad for the silence after the horrendous time I had had with Kylo over the past forty-eight hours.

Shit, he still didn't know about Kylo.

I knew damn well that the last thing Kylo wanted was for his colleague to see him the way I had. He was a shell of the man we all were used to seeing on base, this was no doubt an embarrassment to him.

I left Armitage at the command shuttle as I went to retrieve Kylo. Unsurprisingly, my brother had a ton of questions about why Ren didn't come with me to the ship to begin with and precisely, "What the fuck was wrong with him."

I kept his questions at bay with a simple, "Shut the fuck up." but I was certain the questions would resume when I had Ren with me again.

_I mean how could it not?_

Finding a shortcut that snaked past the mountain side, I cut my time in half on the way back. I walked up to Kylo and saw him attempting to stand and walk on his own.

"What are you doing! You needed to wait for me to come back." I tell him.

"No, I don't rely on you or anyone else. I'm fine." He said sternly in response, not bothering to give me a hint of eye contact in return.

"I know I'm not your babysitter Ren. I don't want to be. But you are _fucked_ up."

"I'm not, I'm fine." He repeated, taking small steps without my help. He seemed to be making decent progress but he could in no way make it back to the shuttle.

"You're such a liar. Why can't you just accept my help! There's no one even around us!"

"I have never needed anyone's help. And I'm not going to ask the First Order _slut_ for help now." He spit at me.

I took a step back.

The word came out of him like it was so filthy, so poisonous. Like I was diseased.

He actually called me a slut. I couldn't believe it. After all I had done for him these past few days and _this_ is how he repays me? Who do these men think they are acting like they know my sex life anyway?!

I was mad. No I was **furious**.

"You may be used to speaking to women like that on base but we're not on base anymore. You're a fucking asshole and don't know a thing about me. You would be _lucky_ to fuck me!" I yelled at him.

He stared at me with wide eyes and I could sense the growing rage that someone like me would ever dream of talking about him so venomously.

"I should've left your ass for dead." I tell him shoving past his arm. "Good luck getting back on your own."

I left him at the bottom of the mountain, alone and hurt.

It was so not like me, so uncharacteristic of me to leave behind someone I began to maybe care about. I mean the way he looked at me before I got Armitage was unlike anything I've ever felt before... but that didn't matter.

He's lost all my respect. He would not get away with treating me like that unscathed.

——————————————————————————-

The command shuttle was eerily quiet on the way back. I gave Armitage the passenger seat in the cockpit, I had no interest in being by Kylo's side the whole flight back.

Miraculously, Kylo _was_ able to fly us back pretty safely. Not without a fair share of grunts covered by half coughs and uncomfortable twitching in his seat. He did a hell of a good job faking it in front of Armitage, it was kind of impressive.

But I refused to worry about him anymore. He insulted me using the one name I hate the most and I can't forgive that.

God knows how he even managed to finally get around the mountain to us. It took near forever and it was growing increasingly difficult to ward off Armitage's never ending questions on why I didn't come back with him.

But I lied for Kylo and made up bullshit because of how much I hate my brother and that's it. Otherwise I wouldn't have done jack shit to help Kylo with anything. _Ever again._

After what felt like an extraordinarily long trip back, we were finally back on base. And lord I was happy to be after this hell of my first real mission. I practically ran to find Anya the second my feet reached our hall. She would not believe all that happened.

"Oh my gosh you're back!" She squealed as I finally caught up with her.

Her face was gleaming with excitement and I could truly feel how much she missed me with her tight hug. That silky blonde hair of hers still refused to be tied into a bun like was requested of us. It sashayed over her shoulder in one clean motion as she grabbed my hand and dragged me over to my quarters quickly.

"Tell me! How was it?" She began questioning as soon as we got back in my room.

By observance, I realize my room was a disaster. Clothes thrown about, the floor covered in random items. What the hell happened while I was gone?

"I'm more or so wondering about the state of my room. Anya what is this?" I say confused trying to hide my bit of irritation that I came home to a mess.

"Oh you know, Kade and I just didn't have time to tidy up. Things have been chaotic on base so it just kind of ended up like this!" She said nonchalantly as she picked up some things nearby.

"Anya... I was gone for less than a week. And I never said Kade could stay in here, I only said _you_ could. I understand my new living arrangements are nice and everything but seriously I have rules."

She looked offended at the possibility that I had actual rules about where I lived and who I wanted living here.

"Okay but you never said that! I thought that you liked having us around." She scoffed, somehow annoyed that I was not okay with them doing whatever they wanted in _my_ room.

"Look I'm not trying to be some asshole, I know how bad things are on the other end. But this is my room and my quarters. It is a privilege that you're here, not a right."

"A privilege?! The only reason you have this room is because you fuck anyone who will move you up. It's a joke." She said all pissy, grabbing her things. "But don't worry I won't be your problem anymore."

She stormed out slamming the door behind her in a fit of anger. And I was left sitting dumbfounded as to what just happened. I didn't ask for much and she just blew up.

Shaking off our fight, I changed out of my uniform into some comfier clothes and took my hair out of my bun. I was going to just relax for the rest of night.

I heard a knock at the door and thought it was her coming back to apologize.

"Coming!" I yell out as I went back over to the front of my room.

As I opened the door I was met with the face of a tired and broken Kylo.

**Note: This story had officially been changed to a Kylo x Reader story (:**


	11. Chapter 11

"Hey uh- what are you doing here?" I asked as I held the door open. His eyes held so much exhaustion in them and I could only imagine the pain he was still in after our journey. Not that he would ever show it of course.

"I need to talk to you." He said sternly, not a hint of emotion behind his words. I reluctantly agreed and opened the door the rest of the way so he could come in.

He stood by my bed awkwardly, observing my space silently and holding in his distaste for how I chose to live. Or really how Anya had been living. The more time I spent with him, the more I could read him and his facial expressions. The way his lip would be slightly upturn and his eyes would twitch for a millisecond when he was judging you. I however did not want his judgement anymore and was ready for him to leave.

"Alright make this quick. What’s up?" I question as I go and meet him on the other side of the room. He came back into focus as I walked up to him."You can sit if you'd like." I offer.

"No need. This will be short." He replied.

The discomfort he felt in another's room, in my room, was all over his face. I knew without a doubt he wouldn't be here if it wasn't absolutely necessary.

"I need you to assure me that you will not say a word to anyone." He finally mustered out after the dead silence.

"Kylo, why would I tell anyone? I'm not some malicious person, I don't want to see you fail." I told him honestly. It was the truth, I had no intention of spreading gossip about him or what happens in his own personal time.

"Trust." He responded carefully after a moment or two. "I don't trust you." He finished, looking me in the eyes. The pools of smooth sweet honey staring me down.

While I appreciate the sentiment and everything, how the hell was I supposed to make him trust me all of the sudden? I thought he knew he could trust me. If I really wanted to screw him I would have revealed already one of his biggest secrets, being Snoke’s punching bag. But I’ve been keeping my mouth shut since we came back.

"Well Kylo, I'm not sure what to say. I haven't said a word since we got back and I don't plan to either. You'll just have to believe me." I told him honestly.

He looked away and I knew such a concept was not in his vocabulary. I don't think it would matter if I swore up and down to him that I wouldn't tell anyone, he still wouldn't trust me.

"I can't do that." He answered, now keeping his eyes on anything but me.

“Tell me then, what the actual hell do you want me to do? Do you need something to hold over my head too?” I finally offer. As if I wanted this man to have any type of secret of mine in his knowledge.

“That might do.” He agreed, and I was shocked he was going to take me up on it. Now what was I supposed to tell him as my secret?!

“I want to know how you’ve moved up in rank so fast.” He said, thankfully providing me with material without having to make up some random or bizarre secret to tell him. But should I actually tell him the truth?

“Why do you care so much? Why does anyone? It’s not like I’m not talented because I obviously am. Is it because I’m a woman?”

“Wow you’re defensive. That definitely means you’re hiding something.” He responded.

There was something about his inquisitive nature that was nearly endearing to see after all the anger and hate he usually gives everyone. He genuinely was curious — although I knew most on base were too. I just don’t know if I can tell him the truth.

“Maybe I am. But that’s for me to know.” I told him crossing my arms.

A loud knock echoed through the room as someone pounded on my door. I thought it was Anya for a second, hoping that we could make up. But the rhythm of the knock was all too familiar. One I wished I never had to hear again.

“Just give me a second.” I told Kylo as I got up to open the door.

I left it open half an inch,just enough so I could see his face and low and behold it was him.

“Sweetheart, I’ve been worried about you. Why didn’t you tell me you were back.” Pryde said quietly. His hand darted out to try and tussle the hair by my face but I quickly retracted backwards.

“I apologize but I can’t talk right now. I’ll see you in a little bit okay?” I winced, just devastated that I was being sucked back into this world, his world, so soon after coming back.

“Okay my love. I’ll miss you.” He responds fondly as I give him a smile in return before shutting the door back. God he made me wanted to throw up.

I turned around to see Kylo dumbfounded by the encounter he just witnessed. It never occurred to me that he could be speechless but oh was he. Eyebrows raised in pure astonishment, eyes big and wandering as I came up to him.

“You cannot speak about what you just saw to anyone.” I told him. He nearly let out a chuckle. “I mean it!” I said again more sternly.

“So you and Pryde huh... can’t say I saw that one coming.” He responded, and I could see just how hard it was for him not to laugh.

“Fine okay, that’s my secret. That’s how I move up so fast. We fuck whenever he wants and in return, I stay protected and safe. It’s a simple exchange.” I explained.

My openness and honesty especially about a taboo subject onboard was quite the surprise for him. I wonder how many women he fucked regularly.

“I see. How long?” He asked, the questioning nature in him coming out again. Not that I was surprised, I would’ve been curious as well.

“Just a few months really, maybe six months. But obviously it’s worked I mean you had no idea who I was before then right?”

“I didn’t know who you were until you started getting shit talked around every corner. I could care less though, so your secret is safe with me.”

I let out a sigh of relief as I knew that he would actually keep his word. If he told my secret then I would let everyone know how much of a helpless baby he was who never fought back.

“Great so everything’s settled then. You can go now.” I said walking towards the door to escort him out.

He rolled his eyes but got up in a timely manner anyway.

“And by the way, you should probably take some pain meds before you walk around anywhere else. I could spot that limp from a mile away.” I told him as he began to walk out. There was a playful tone to it but he knew I was serious too, and was trying to help him.

It’s like I could see his brain pausing for a second to try and register what I just said. That I cared enough to try and give him some friendly advice, that I was even going to keep his secret without his threats. Could he really be that deprived of basic attention and care?

As he left, I felt content with our conversation and the fact that I was being kind and compassionate like my mother taught me. Did I hate him? Of course I did. He embodied every single trait that I despised about The First Order.

But he was a person.

A human.

And every person deserved someone to care.


	12. Chapter 12

The bright white overhead lights woke me up with a vengeance. I was tired, truly just beaten down from the past few days and these lights awakening me from my much needed slumber was the last straw. If only there was a way to rig the timer on them so I could get up whenever I'd like instead. But unfortunately this was my life.

It takes a hundred small things before I truly get fed up and that was happening now. Annoyed, I slide out of bed and go straight to my bathroom to change. I hurled my sleep clothes off and practically threw my uniform on. With every second that was passing, I was just growing more and more agitated as I had too much time to think about the whirlwind of what I've had to go through recently.

Did I deserve any of this?!

To have a man full of hatred, who I hated, die in front of me and then have to save? Destroying my morals and emotionally breaking me, just for him to still hate me!

To have my brother shooting daggers at me every time I entered a room? To be stuck fucking and being harassed by a gross and horrifying man just to feel safe?

And Anya getting mad over me for nothing was just the cherry on top.

God I was fuming!

I style my hair as neatly as possible but am rushing too much to spend a lot of time on it. Not that it mattered anyway, it's not like anyone cared enough to look at something like that. As long as it was out of the way.

I was ready to make an impact today, to do anything that could let me feel back in control. The feeling of seeing my own life in the hands of others was one that I was not fond of. I had this big stupid role now so I better make use of it.

I leave my quarters and am met by Eli standing outside the door.

"Good morning, I did not expect to see you so soon Eli." I said while continuing my way down to my station.

"I'm sorry ma'am, I know it's been a little while but I'm still ordered to protect you." He responded, trying to keep up with my fast pace.

"Of course Eli, I'm not blaming you. Just a bit of a startle is all. Is there any news for me?" I ask as we round the corner to the TIE fighters bay.

"Yes, the Supreme Leader is scheduled to speak with you and your colleagues about the mission you came back from."

I froze, feet feeling like they were stuck in mud. The sudden feeling of quicksand below me, wanting to suck me in for good. I had never met with the Supreme Leader so personally, and was scared shitless. Beyond that I had to share what actually happened on the mission. Between Kylo almost dying and losing Armitage I don't know what to even tell Snoke. We did find Li'an but I could never reveal that.

I took a second to regain my composure and began to walk again.

"That's fine, please advise me as to when and then you can escort me there." I say as we arrive at my station. He gave a slight head nod and went off to the rest of his duty for the day. I was glad to be alone for a moment but was already being disrupted.

"Good morning Miss General Hux. This is a stack of files you need to complete by midday and before your meeting with the Supreme Leader, Master Ren is requesting to speak with you as well." Vaeda said as she sat down the stack of papers.

I'm sorry what?

Kylo wanting to see me again was beyond strange but moreover I'm expected to file paper work when I'm in this big of a position?! Absolutely not.

"No, this is ridiculous. File this yourself and let Captain Phasma know that I will be joining her in training recruits today." I say, giving her the papers back. The urge for her to hold her tongue was one she was fighting greatly.

"Miss Hux I don't believe you're admitted to do that."

"Excuse me, are you talking back to me? I gave you an order and I expect you to up hold that. Now take care of that damn useless paperwork before I make you regret it."

I was out of my seat now, knowing the red hot anger crawling my skin right now was setting my temper ablaze.

She looked at me startled, as if I had not corrected her just a short time ago that I will never be filing paperwork like that again.

She didn't even give a response, but turned around instead to go take care of whatever files needed to be taken care of.

"Wait. Tell me who you got those orders from." I ask her, catching her arm as she started to leave. Whether or not those onboard thought I deserved my position or not, I refuse to tolerate disrespect.

"Captain Cark."

Thomas Cark, the ruthless, heinous man.

Somehow he thought he was above me now? I don't care how old he is, he was below me and would not get away with trying to assign me work for the lowest of ranks. This was the second time it's happened, he must be doing this on purpose.

I was up and walking now, stopping only once to ask an associate where he was located. Low and behold, he was with Pryde, both ignoring their own work to gamble. These disgusting men onboard would be the death of me.

Storming into their secluded room, I was met with the two drunk men who laughed carelessly and had trashed the room. What even was this place?!

"Captain Cark we need to talk." I said approaching the grey haired men sitting in a large chair. His blue eyes peered up at mine as he smirked at my request.

"Pretty thing like you, I'm sure I can make time." He said while setting down his gambling chips at the table in front of him.

"You going to tell me what you're here for?" Pryde asked condescendingly, as if I owed him the knowledge of every detail about my life. For him to have been whining over how much he missed me the night before, this was certainly a show off in front of Cark.

"It's nothing Enric, don't mind it." I responded using his first name. Something that was highly forbidden of me.

This ticked him off, his smile fading into a pursed tight lip expression. I could tell I was emasculating him in front of his buddy and that just would not do.

Not like I cared at the moment.

Cark pulled me over to the side of the large room and his hand slid down my arm in a seductive fashion. It was repulsive.

"Captain, I'm Miss Hux and I'm a general now if you have not been updated. That means the ridiculous nonsense files you keep assigning me is far below my pay grade."

"Ah I see. Well there's hundreds of you, you can't expect me to know you all by name do you?" He said casually, as he grabbed the nearest bottle to take another swig from. "All the women on the list are given the paperwork, it's simple business love."

That comment was enough to send me hurling into another dimension of pure rage but I knew if I did not contain myself I would pay for it later. I already would for using Enric's first name.

"I understand Captain but please update your records so I don't have my time wasted anymore. Thank you." I said curtly as I started to leave this vile room.

"Darling come here for a minute." I heard Pryde call. Cringing to myself, I turn around and go back to his corner filled with contraband.

He patted his lap and I cleared my throat in embarrassment before sitting down. His hand immediately grabbing my thigh, his drunken haze sending him into a dangerous gray area.

We never do this around anyone else on board.

Anyone.

It was so risky and I knew I could not trust anyone onboard. But all of that's forgotten of as he now was showing me off to his friend like some trophy horse.

"She's a beauty right?" Pryde laughed to Cark as he came back to the table to keep playing. I could feel my heart about to beat out of my chest, the sound ricocheting in my eardrums. This was my own personal hell.

"Yes indeed. I would've grabbed her first had I seen her before you." Cark replied casually, as if I was a genuine piece of property that could be taken and traded so easily.

"You know she's little Armitage's sister." He joked and Cark bursted out laughing as he thought about the resemblance.

"That is just hysterical. He is such a filthy little bastard to be related to such a beaut." Cark responded, his English accent becoming more repulsive by the minute.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourselves boys, but I have to go meet Phasma so I will have to see you two later." I said in a fake sweet tone, trying to remove myself from Pryde.

He ripped me back down so harshly, I felt the bruises already starting on my wrists. His abuse was only growing worse the longer we were together.

"No darling, stay here and keep us company." He said kissing my cheek, his hand going down to the waistband of my pants. He stroked me and gave the Captain a knowing smirk. One glance at Captain Cark showed me he was all too excited to have his own personal entertainment and I felt myself about to be sick.

He was now eagerly trying to force my uniform off so I could be a little show for him and his friend and I could do nothing but silently let it happen. The thoughts rushing through my head of the pure pain and assault being enacted on me and having no means to do anything was brutal. This was my honest to God nightmare.

As I began to just accept what was happening, the door swooshed open and the masked Master Ren was now at the entrance.

"Get your fucking hands off her." He said as calmly as I'd ever heard him.

Pryde quickly tossed me off his lap in embarrassment of being caught and I sprinted out of the room with the adrenaline pumping through my entire body.


	13. Chapter 13

Halfway down the hall, I crouch against the wall to catch my breath and find myself choked with tears. I couldn't breathe I was sobbing so intensely.

I was almost subjected to...

I can't even say it. I can't even think about it. To lose my dignity, to be treated so carelessly. I felt like I was the actual scum of the galaxy.

I turned my head to the footsteps booming and was gladly met with the sight of Kylo coming towards me. He helped me up and I winced as he touched the freshly bruised spots of Pryde's. He removed his hands immediately and put them at the small of my back instead to steady me before bringing me to a corridor nearby as I continue to sob until my chest felt tight.

Knowing that we were alone now, he took off his mask and shook out his raven colored locks. I watched mesmerized as he looked at me concerned.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

I was consumed by so many emotions, but overwhelmingly to think of him evoking the tiny little piece of empathy he had in his heart for me was all I could think about. He was a godsend. A miracle.

"I'm-..." I trailed off, trying to find any type of word to truly describe how I was feeling.

I was shattered. Broken. Disgusted with myself. Sick to my stomach. In agony.

"You don't have to say. Just thought I'd ask." He responded.

He threw his mask towards the stark white wall that was electrified with fluorescents. I started to look around and realize the corridor he pulled me into was none other but his quarters.

"Kylo... I- I don't understand." I said feeling my tears subside.

"Understand what." He answered, trying to reserve his contact with me.

"How did you find me? I mean how did you even know I was there, no one knew-"

"Your thoughts." He responded plainly. "They were very loud. Very difficult to ignore."

_My thoughts?_ But I had to have been all the way across base, there's no way I was capable of projecting like that. I sat there trying to figure it out before he started to explain further.

"It's like..." He started, trying to find the right words. "It's like you were calling to me. Directly to me, and I could feel your pain."

Finally making eye contact with me, I was sucked into his stupidly beautiful hazel eyes as if time ceased to exist. As if none of this had just happened. The way they captured me was unlike anything in the world. I looked away realizing how caught up I was getting and tried to take in what he said. It sounded too bizarre to be real.

"It was... horrifying. I was a show for them. I was nothing more than Enric's prize." I said shakily, analyzing what happened. I was suddenly in a different realm as the memories flooded back at an all too horrifying speed. I shut my eyes and covered them with my hands to try and escape the memories.

Kylo gingerly grabbed my arms to try and remove them from my face and snap me back into reality.

Uncovering my hands, I looked into the eyes of a different man. A kind man. A compassionate man. One who was willing to save me. One who's soul was exposed for my viewing.

He gulped nervously as I could feel the shift in his emotions.

"Just tell me one thing. Did he do that to you?" Kylo said pointing to my bruised wrists and red stray marks that marked my arms.

"Yes. But it's not a big deal so leave it be." I said emotionless. I knew Kylo was not happy with that response and I genuinely felt his pity for me. But I was quickly reminded that this kindness he was showing me was a privilege. I could not let myself get caught up in this rare occurrence of him being able to withstand my presence.

The marks that were left on me though were the smallest reminder of what I've had to endure and would continue to endure. Unfortunately, I was still indebted to Pryde and nothing could ever change that.

"No. That's not right." Kylo muttered standing up and going to the other side of the room to pace silently. I almost didn't catch what he said.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Being indebted to him. It's not right." He said again quietly.

He was in my head now, and I didn't like it. As interesting as that was coming from the renowned murderer himself, I simply could not feel comfortable having my thoughts be so loud to him like this. He was still a serial killer and a heathen. I didn't want a man like that in my head.

"Well that's life." I responded shortly after a minute.

I felt my emotional state slowly coming back to normal as I had the time to breathe in the quiet peace of Kylo's home. It was very...him. Everything had a place. It was clean and tidy, his belongings almost untraceable without looking closer.

Kylo was finding anything to keep himself busy far, far away from me, to avoid having me stare right through him and his facade again. Ignoring his feelings was something he was quite good at now but him rescuing me was something else.

"So why did you want to meet with me later anyways?" I ask him, disrupting the silence we had been sitting in.

Talking to his back was awkward and him still busying himself despite me talking to him was beginning to become a tad annoying.

"I'm not going to bite Kylo, come sit down and talk to me damn it." I said huffing, and he turned around this time and came over. I knew he was most comfortable here in his own space but he was still being so reserved. Tip toeing around the elephant in the room of what he felt. That I knew he felt.

"I just needed to talk to you about the Snoke uh, situation." He said stupidly.

_**Liar.** _

"Yeah?" I laugh. "I wasn't going to tell him you died and that we failed. I knew we could come up with a better excuse then that."

"We?" He questioned anxiously.

"Yes...? Isn't it better for us to all have the same plan as to what to say?" I said confused.

"Well yes, you're right." He said looking away lost in thought. The word 'we' should not be as foreign to him as he just acted like it was.

"Just let me do the talking, you and Armitage were not even apart of the mission to be honest. I can handle it."

"No, this is Snoke. He's a hundred times worse then Pryde. I don't even want you seeing him to begin with." Kylo said shaking his head. That bit of anger in him starting to creep up again.

"I'm not a child Kylo, I think I can talk to the man for a few minutes and live to see the next day."

"Fine then let's go find out." He said annoyed, calling in the order for Armitage to meet us at Snoke's private projection room onboard.

Why did I have to say that?!

——————————————————————————

Walking to Snoke's projection room was terrifying. Knowing that he would want answers from me and how unacceptable it was to fail him.

But we had failed.

Technically. And I wouldn't dare reveal that Li'an Qudota was found and was still a practicing Jedi. It was a secret I would die with, I refused to put her on our Order's hit list.

Armitage had joined Kylo and I and was stiff as a board walking towards Snoke's projection. He was tensing up, I could see how nervous he was. He had failed too.

I take a deep breath and plant my feet squarely on the ground. Showing signs of weakness would be a sure way to reveal my secrets, Snoke was going to pick me apart as it was.

Snoke's projection was static for a second before becoming clear and bright. His mangled face was magnified for us all to see and in his presence we all immediately bowed.

We stayed on our knees out of respect and I braced myself for what he would say next.

"My young ones. And my newest one." He said proudly looking at me.

"Greetings Supreme Leader. It is an honor to be before you." I said with my head still bowed.

"Raise your head my dear, you have good news to tell me, yes?" His raspy voice spoke, making my skin itch.

"I'm sorry Supreme Leader-" I began before being cut off.

"The woman was found. We burned her body and discarded it on the planet. She is not a concern to us any longer." Kylo said interrupting me.

I was ready to admit my defeat and pay the price but that was not what Kylo was wanting to do apparently. Anything to keep from being beat by Snoke I suppose.

"Hm I see. Tell me then why did you apologize _girl_?"

Snoke said, the question directed at me.

I was anxiously trying to find something to say, anything that would sound even remotely believable to save my ass.

"I know you wanted information from her Supreme Leader, but she was unwilling. The force could not be used against her since she was a Jedi." I concluded.

Snoke made a soft hmph as he stared off in thought contemplating my response. I at least admitted to one thing that went wrong instead of lying completely. We truly had no information from her on Luke.

And I hated lying.

"Do you know why I like you two?" He said after a few minutes, looking at my brother and I.

We both shook our heads silently.

He chuckled to himself.

"And they wonder why I keep rabid curs in such a place of power." He laughed, not talking to any of us directly. "A cur's weakness properly manipulated, can be a very sharp tool."

I'm sorry? A rabid mongrel dog is what I'm being compared to?!

"You two are worthless." He muttered with disgust at my brother and I. "Yet I can still find the potential in the young girl. Pity you're becoming such a waste Armitage."

I looked over to see my brother's stone cold face even though I knew that comment was eating him alive. It was his worst fear, being worthless in the Order. The one place that made him feel worthy.

We still stayed kneeled as he contemplated what to do with us. It felt like time could not tick by any slower in this black hole of an enclosure.

"Children, I expect to see you make up for this failure. The Hux's can go but Ren stays."

I nodded my head in response and left promptly. I felt like I could finally breathe again outside of Snoke's intense observation. His projection was enough to leave me scarred for life.

"You cunt." Armitage said approaching me, inches from my face.

The pure venom and hatred dripped off his tongue with every word. If he had the nerve to spit on me he would.

"What did I even do to you?" I ask him, completely defeated. My brother and I arguing was just what I needed after this hellish day.

"You are pathetic and always will be. Do not forget that I'm still your superior." He said, pointing his gloved finger right in my face.

He turned on his heels and left, feeling proud of trying to tear me down again. No doubt it was because Snoke had actually acknowledged that I was more of an asset than my brother right now.

I couldn't think of a bigger embarrassment for him.

A few minutes passed before Kylo finally came out. I had been waiting patiently to make sure he was okay. He glanced at me once with a solemn face before walking away.

I wasn't upset that he didn't want to talk to me, I understood why. I could only fathom what Snoke had done to him when Armitage and I weren't there. It made me ill.

And we weren't friends anyway. Just people who knew each other's secrets.


	14. Chapter 14

**TRIGGER WARNING: PTSD / Anxiety attack in detail.**

Staring at the ceiling that morning, it felt like everything had changed.

I couldn't sleep, my body was consumed with fear and my mind would not rest. The memories replayed over and over again as I lied restless in bed, I could hardly stand it.

And when I would eventually drift to sleep, I would dream of the one person who I shouldn't be thinking of at all.

**_Ren._ **

I couldn't fool myself into believing he was anything more than an acquaintance, even though my brain was saying otherwise. He was nothing to me, as I was to him.

Or was that just what I was trying to convince myself of?

I was running on fumes during the day and having so much time on my hands was making my thoughts start to lead to other things. Analyzing repeatedly the events that lead up to that day, how the trauma would forever be with me. I could not wash his fingertips off my skin, I scrubbed and scrubbed to get his germs off me but I still felt that disgusting feeling of his hands on me all the time.

Beyond that, it was never endlessly wracking my brain,

_Why did this terrible man save me?_

His heinous crimes and acts of violence were one of the only stable qualities about him, and somehow he found it inside himself to rescue **me**. Nevertheless rescuing me from a seemingly normal crime in our galaxy that happened frequently too. It just did not make sense.

Shouldn't he have done similar crimes of this nature? Taken advantage of women, taken them against their will? Or was it all just an act?

The evidence was damning that he was not such a horrible monster as he had led us all to believe. But did that mean I could trust him?

_No._

I can't trust him and be around him and that's the end of it. There's nothing more to think about.

I finally was going to meet with Phasma today with the new recruits, something that I was supposed to do before things went so south. It was standard business and I knew it would be an easy day for me. I was grateful for that.

—————————————————————————-

"Nice to see your face around again." Phasma said before going into the training center with me. Her blonde hair tousled itself as she took her helmet off. She was so tall, even sitting down I felt small next to her large stature. Deep down she was just a gentle giant though.

"I figured you deserved to be graced by my presence again." I joked as we talked for a minute.

"You alright though? I've heard whispers onboard and I wanted to check in with you." She said changing her tone.

I sighed briefly before answering, "Nah don't worry about me, you know I roll with the punches."

Truthfully I was not okay in the slightest but that didn't actually matter.

"Of course, I know that. Doesn't make it any easier though." She said generously. There was a pause in conversation, enough time for me to try and relax my jaw and drop the tension in my shoulders. Which I had been anxiously carrying the whole day.

She came back into focus after a minute and tried to make small talk again.

"So, how was your meeting with Snoke?"

"Fine I guess, as demeaning as you can expect it to be. You can imagine how much Armitage liked me being there." I chuckle softly.

She laughed for a second as she knew firsthand the rather unpleasant nature of my brother, especially anytime he was around me.

"Let's head in, shall we?"

The training center was bustling as usual when we entered. I had only been in here a few times, I didn't have much of a reason to be here often. It was just as well, I didn't like the feeling in the air. It was unsettling. Darkness. So much pain lived here.

I felt the need to raise my head and fix my posture walking by the male lieutenants here. Their smug looks as I passed by made my discomfort grow and I was feeling that horrendous feeling of my skin crawling again. Their stares were all too similar.

"Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you here." I heard a familiar voice say behind me. I knew it was Eli, I could've noticed that tone anywhere.

"Oh thank God." I said relieved. I turned around to respond and felt everything spinning.

"Are you okay? I haven't seen you since-"

"Eli can you find somewhere quiet I can go?" I interrupt him as I put my hand on my chest and feel my heart beating rapidly.

"Yeah of course." He responded worried.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me into a blaster shooting simulation that had been disengaged. His hand molded with mine as I gripped on tightly trying to catch my breath. He ripped his helmet off and sat down with me on the ground.

"What's going on? You're sweating bullets." He said, his hand tracing over my forehead at the bead of sweats forming. His face was inches from mine, his dark brown eyes so deeply concerned.

It was the first time he had shown me his face and it was beautiful. Kind eyes, the type that would crinkle at the corners when he smiled. Gorgeous tan, caramel skin that I could melt into. Ink black hair that snaked around his face and fit him perfectly. Snapping out of the revelation of his looks, I got caught up again in the feeling of collapsing lungs.

"I don't know, but I can't breathe. I feel like I'm going to pass out."

The air was coming in and out of my lungs at such an unnatural and frenzied way, my chest was so tight. It felt like I was having a heart attack.

"Look at me okay? I'm going to talk you through this. Just take deep breaths and count with me? Can you do that?"

I looked up for a split second and nodded my head, desperate to ease this intolerable pain.

"Okay lets start. 1...2...3"

"1, 2, 3" I repeated after him, trying to match my breathing to his deep breaths.

"Good, just in and out." Eli said, never losing his eye contact with me. He mimicked the deep breaths and I felt everything start to slow down and normalize again. I finally felt like I had control.

I loosened my grip on his hand and he pulled away too.

"I'm going to call Anya to come over here okay?" He said picking up his data pad.

I didn't have the energy to try and explain to him what happened with us and that we weren't talking. I honestly wanted her here anyway. I wanted Kylo here too if I was being truthful.

"Th-thank you for helping me." I stutter out after having the time to catch my breath finally.

"Of course, I just don't understand what happened."

"I don't know either, I just felt like I was being suffocated and everything was spinning. Almost like a weight was on my chest."

"You scared me really bad... I can't handle anything happening you." He said concerned, setting his data pad back down after sending a message to Anya.

His arm reached for mine and I instinctively flinched in response. I could tell immediately by the look on his face that he was hurt by my action. He retracted his arm back awkwardly and cleared his voice.

"Eli it's not you, I promise. I've just been going through some stuff and I can't really talk about it." I said apologetically.

"Please talk to me, you can tell me anything." He pleaded. "You can trust me."

I thought about telling him about my attack for a minute, but there was no way I was sharing this with anyone. It was embarrassing and humiliating what happened to me, let alone this adverse reaction now.

Ugh, I feel like the bad guy now. As if I already don't know how much Eli has grown to care for me and was desperate to find a way to connect with me more.

I just couldn't do it.

"I'm sorry Eli, I can't. Please respect that." I responded quietly.

"Look, I like you. A lot. And I just want to be here for you." He came right out and told me, grabbing my hand again and intertwining his fingers with mine. Not that I was too surprised with this information.

It was all too easy for me to get caught up in his soft words of affection and care, something I've lacked for so many years. It was right in front of me, someone who truly cared for me and wanted me. Was sweet and kind and did the right thing. But I couldn't reciprocate.

Luckily, I didn't have to break the news to him yet as Anya came up to where we were sitting.

"Hey, I got your call. What's going on?" She asked, sitting down beside me.

"I'm not sure, I just felt like I was suffocating and that I was having a heart attack. It was really intense."

"Oh I see." She responded thinking for a second. "Well given your past, it was probably an anxiety attack. Maybe PTSD?"

"What is that? I don't understand." I questioned.

"Post traumatic stress disorder. Something must've triggered you and your body just lost it. My mom had it when I was little, it's some Earth thing." Anya said nonchalantly.

"What could have triggered you though?" Eli asked. Anya turned to look at him and was surprised to see his helmet off for the first time.

"Huh, you look different than I expected. Cute though, nice hair." Anya noted. "Yeah what did you see?"

All attention was on me as I swallowed roughly, trying to figure out how to say that men was what triggered me. I mean that was pathetic, wasn't it?

"It was just someone I passed by. I don't know I'm shocked myself."

"Come on, you've gotta give me more than that. Who was it? What was it about them that triggered you?"

"I don't know! Can you stop pestering me about it!" I yell. They both looked at me and I just crumbled. I couldn't handle this, this feeling of utter hopelessness and agony that I couldn't escape everyday since the attack. I was falling into a dark hole, I felt my sanity slipping with it.

“We just want to be here for you. If you need anything just call us, okay?” Anya said kindly, and I knew that all was forgiven between us.

I nodded my head and Eli and her both left soon after. I sat alone on the ground as I tried to wrap my head around what was happening to me. All I could think about was the fact that I was a failure. Pathetic. Just as Snoke had said.

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. You good to go?” Phasma asked, coming into the blaster simulation.

“Yeah, I’m good.” I responded, pulling myself off the floor and trying to move on with the day.


	15. Chapter 15

"So the recruits in this hall are brand new, some of them are as young as fifteen! Brilliant isn't it?" Phasma noted, passing by the stormtroopers in Hall A.

I did not think that was brilliant in the slightest. It was more heartbreaking than anything, especially knowing that they had no love or affection in their lives. And now they're being thrown in to this hell hole.

"Sure." I responded curtly to her, as she lead me to the next hallway, B. This one was larger, many different rooms extended off the main pathway. The doors slid open and revealed young men in one room with their helmets off. It was shocking to see their baby faces, I had no doubt that these recruits would not be able to handle the tasks given to them by their leaders. What fifteen year old kid is capable of that?!

I could hardly stand to look at it for more than a few seconds. It was so devastating to me.

"That one I assigned to protect you was trained on base, he's the best from his unit." She said referencing Eli.

"Yes, I've grown quite fond of him. He's a wonderful trooper."

"Indeed. Shame most of his unit is dead now. Eh, oh well they weren't that good anyway."

My eyes widened at the insouciant way she talked about these people, as if they were worth absolutely nothing. I stifled my want to disagree and favored to leave the conversation be instead.

We finally stopped at a room across the bridge that was strictly for use by captains and others of higher rankings. It was quiet compared to the constant noise in the rest of the training center and very quaint.

Chairs and tables, a couch even for our use and relaxation scattered the room with stark white florescent lights illuminating everything.

"Okay, he should be here in a few minutes if you want to sit down." Phasma said, swiping insistently on her data pad.

"I'm sorry? Who will be here?"

"Oh didn't you know? Ren is coming too, you're both required to be here today."

My face instantly heated up, my cheeks becoming flushed. I hadn't seen him since what happened with Pryde and Cark. I found myself incredibly nervous to see him again.

"Oh, no I didn't know but that's fine. Why are we here anyway?" I tried to say as calmly as possible. I tried to casually fix my hair and smooth out my uniform. Hiding the fact that I wanted to look nice for him and was worried he would act like I was invisible as usual when we were around other people.

"Well you would've known if you wouldn't have canceled on me last time." Phasma said sarcastically. "I have to meet your approval that I'm training well. You're required to pick recruits today for your next mission."

Dumbfounded that I was required to judge Phasma's skills, I felt even more out of place. My only time spent with stormtroopers were on the battle field or when I was with my friends. I was in no place to judge how well their trained or really to share my

opinion at all. Let alone pick them for a mission.

"Did I miss something? What mission?" I ask innocently.

"Are you a bloody halfwit?" She joked. "Snoke sent out the transmission the other day to our data pads. You know, when you were supposed to be here?"

You mean the one that I haven't touched in days because I've been too ill? Ah, wonderful.

"I'm sorry okay! I forgot. And I didn't bring my data pad today either. I know, I'm an idiot alright." I sigh, knowing that she was fed up with my lack of skills and knowledge for the position I was in. Just as much as I was fed up with pretending I was okay.

"Why are you an idiot?" Ren asked, the depth of his voice modulator booming nearby.

I was so caught off guard at his arrival, I could physically feel my breath hitch in my throat. His waltz in was nearly in slow motion. It was oozing pure confidence and the knowing fact that he couldkill anyone he pleased.

And I found it absolutely mesmerizing.

"Uh, nothing important." I say quietly, painstakingly yanking my gaze from him. I twisted my fingers together and apart anxiously with him here and felt myself shrink under his eyes.

"Alright since the big man is here now, are you ready to go through my recommendations for troopers on your mission?" Phasma asked, sitting down beside me. She took her helmet off and relaxed in her seat.

"Yes, let's get on with it." Ren said huffily.

"Okay so I'm going to send over now the list on your data pads if you two could please pull those out."

Oh fuck me.

"Yeah so about that-" I start saying.

"Oh right, goodness I just about forgot. Eh, just look on with Ren's then, yeah?" Phasma says casually, as if it was no big deal.

I was forced to look up at his masked face as he slid into the seat in front of me. He crossed his leg over the other and the leather of his black boots glistened under the artificial lights.

His laid his arm over the armrest and his gloved hand glided across the fabric with ease and thoughtlessness.

"Take off your bloody mask too Ren, you look like a freak." Phasma said half joking. I was shocked she would ask such a thing, even with them being good friends. We all knew he had a temper on him.

"Don't be such a dick Gwen." He replied half heartedly as he took off the mask. I breathed a sigh of relief that her comment didn't upset him but I was surprised at the use of her first name. No one used it.

Those raven waves arose from underneath his mask and he brushed one out of his face. How they always managed to look so perfect after being squished in his helmet all day was a mystery.

"Well go over there already. We don't have all day." She said hurrying me.

I nervously got up and sat next to him on the couch. He eyed me every step of the way which made each movement even more daunting.

His gaze left me as he had to pull off his gloves to be able to tap on the screen of the data pad. I tried to watch him slyly but I knew he would catch me watching him.

I pressed my thighs together and cast my eyes downwards. I twisted my hands and fingers around themselves again, that horrible anxious tic I just could not get rid of.

"Stop that, it's not good for you." He said under his breath, eyes locked on his data pad in front of him.

At his request, my hands froze and fell silently into my lap. I was however almost irked at him making a comment like that to me. As if it was something I could control so easily? The urge was still there but I forced myself not to anymore simply out of spite. I didn't want to hear him make a remark about it again.

"It was just distracting." He commented, still glued on his data pad instead of looking at me. His fingers flicked through the messages to find the one that Phasma sent. She was caught up herself looking through the recruits for surely the hundredth time before presenting them to us.

"I apologize." I said brusquely.

"So are you going to tell me why this didn't happen a few days ago? He murmured, still not bothering to even look at me.

"It's nothing, just forget about it."

"Obviously not or my schedule wouldn't have been rearranged. What happened." He pressed again, insistent on getting an answer.

"I said it's nothing. Stop asking." I said again, gripping the edge of the couch. I was nearly gritting my teeth at how much he was getting on my nerves now.

He felt so entitled to an answer, it was incredibly

bothersome. I detested that cocky personality of his. Even if it was coming from a caring place, he was doing a horrible job communicating it that way.

"I'm sorry, I'm just-" He sighed, "You're just difficult to read. And I want to know that you're okay." He said changing his tone and looking at me.

As I finally looked up, I was met with those honey eyes that were warmed with gold and I felt my heart melting. He roped me in once more with his tender and gentle demeanor and I wanted to tell him everything.

But I couldn't. I couldn't think about all the things I wished he would tell me to reassure myself. I couldn't let my mind go there.

"No I'm not okay." I answer truthfully, breaking our eye contact. "But it's really none of your concern. Don't worry about me." I finish saying quietly.

"Alright, starting on slide number one, you will see the first recruit I recommend, FN-2319." Phasma began saying, and I had to draw my focus away from him for the moment.

My eyes were now set on his data pad that sat in his lap which was arguably even more distracting than his face.

"You know I can't do that" He whispered, responding to my earlier statement. As Phasma rambled on, his leg brushed mine and our knees touched.

Our legs stayed pressed together, side by side and I couldn't help but smile to myself with how idyllic this moment was.

**Author's Note: Hi friends. I hope you all are enjoying this story as much as me! I truly feel like my writing has improved so much since Enervating Beauty. I threw in another Twilight reference in this chapter too, which I do in all my books! Also - Phasma does not have a canon first name so I went with the actresses' first name! I can say this chapter IS the turning point in you and Kylo's relationship and things will get much steamier from here on out! Have a great day everyone <3**


	16. Chapter 16

"Children I'm growing old here. These twenty-five are going to be your best bet. Are you taking them or not?" Phasma said tiredly to me, motioning to the men who were flashed upon the screen.

We had been arguing for hours at this point as to who we should take on our mission. I had no care as to who came, as long as Eli and Kade were with me. Ren however was pitching a fit over who was "worthy enough" to be in our presence. As if that even mattered when they would be putting their lives on the line for us?

"Yes I find this list more than suitable. Ren?" I asked turning to him and his annoyed self. He rolled his eyes and scanned back over the new list.

"Yes, it'll do." He said waving his hand, clearly over what a horrendously long meeting this had become. I was finally irritated myself and was growing tired of his spoiled and ridiculous antics.

"Excellent, I'll prep them for you immediately. Does the TIE fighter bay at 1100 hours this evening work?"

Oh kill me.

Not only was this mission in the bitter cold, even colder than where we were stationed now. But it was in the dead of night too. The joys of being important around here.

"Well-" Kylo started, ready to complain again before I interrupted him. "That'll work just fine. Thank you." I said responding for the both of us.

With the end of the conversation, I arose and was ready to rest after how long this day had felt already. I felt a hand wrap around my wrist and drag me back down to where I was sitting prior.

"Meet me before we're set to depart in my quarters." Ren murmured, keeping his voice down so Phasma didn't hear. I nodded once in response and he let go of his firm hold on me.

———————————————————————————

"Okay so tell me again, you went through how many candidates before choosing me and Eli?" Kade asked me once more, his ego inflating with each retelling. 

"We went through hundreds of candidates Phasma chose and I fought hard for you two because I knew you were simply the best."

"Just brilliant." He laughed softly. "The bloody captain and Ren agreeing on us being the best!"

"Marvelous isn't it?" He asked turning to Eli, who was happy as a lark as well.

I found it incredibly interesting that they were so excited by the fact that they were chosen by their leaders for this mission, and not worrying instead about how dangerous this was. We chose them for the reason that they could keep us safe, which was less of a concern for them. It made me sick thinking about it personally.

"Well you boys better get going with the rest of the unit before we head out. Can't have them knowing I was bias in my choosing." I say with a smile.

Kade happily obliges and motions for Eli to come with him as well. He hesitates for a moment and decides to come towards me.

"You stay safe, okay?" He whispered in my ear before kissing me gently on the cheek.

My skin turned hot where his lips were placed and he gave me a tiny smile before heading out after Kade. It was unexpected, but not unwanted. It was surely the sweetest gesture I'd gotten since moving up in the ranks. He always calculated every move he made and this one was no different. It warmed my heart more than I'd like to admit.

I finished grabbing my things and started to make my way to Ren's quarters. It was a short walk from where mine were, considering we were in the same wing.

I was growing a sudden nervousness, the closer I came to the place he called home. He'd never requested to talk to me on purpose like this, let alone in a secluded area that was his own. He must've had some level of trust in me for that, which I suppose made my stomach flutter a bit.

"Hey, you came." His deep voice sounded as I came up to the door. He had been eagerly anticipating my arrival as my hand had barely grazed the door when it swung open.

"Of course." I responded, stepping inside. "So what's up?" I asked him innocently. Whatever motive lurked behind my arrival was one that I impatiently needed to know. I walked over and tentatively sat on his bed, not really concerned on if that was okay or not. He glanced at me sitting for a moment before turning away.

"I just wanted to talk to you before we left."

"Okay, well talk." I said flatly. Not trying to come off rude but I could feel him beating around the bush and it was driving me insane.

"I wanted to propose a deal with you."

Despite us having to leave in a few minutes, I knew he was caught in thought as he was less put together then I'd seen him before. His socks were brushing the floor instead of his steel toed boots and his hands were ungloved, a rare sight.

"What kind of deal?" I asked, pondering if it even mattered knowing I already had the answer locked in.

"Look it's no secret you've moved up incredibly fast. I know it's pissing off everyone else but we see in you something different."

_We? Different?_

"What do you mean?" I asked, with him still feet away as he refused to even give me eye contact. "Kylo, look at me."

At my request, he finally looked into my eyes and there was unfamiliar expression of fear written all over his face. Something I'd also never seen.

"Snoke, he met with me the other day. If we can succeed in this mission then you will be my..."

"My what? Gosh, Kylo spit it out!" I said angrily.

"My prodigy." He finally said gritting his teeth.

My mouth hung open at the thought, my mind racing with the most undesirable thoughts as I realized what this would entail for me. Everything I resented doing now would be amplified. Death, torture, abuse.

But this was Snoke's request. And I could not deny it.

"Wow, that's uh. That's big." I finally managed to get out, too stunned to even figure out what to say next.

"Indeed. I rather think you are still too new for it personally." He said, trying to slack off that anxiousness and act all tough again. _Please._

"Yeah I can tell you aren't very fond of the idea. It's clear you don't like to spend that much time with me to begin with." I said sarcastically with a laugh.

"Don't say that." He responded defensively. "I don't like spending time with anyone. I'm meant to do one thing here."

"Whatever that means. I obviously can't refuse so I'll unfortunately be your little minion." The sarcasm dripped from every word and I had the sickliest sweet smile on my face.

I was angry with both of them now, Snoke for even suggesting such a bizarre idea that I had to submit to, and Kylo for being so goddamn difficult about it. My feelings were already bruised by him and this made it that much worse.

"Well if you would let me finish, I obviously know you're not interested and neither am I. Which is why I suggest a private deal between the two of us."

"I see. Go on."

"We throw this mission. Your negligence will be forgiven with your newness and you will be off Snoke's radar."

Offended once more for a minute, as I thought about it I realized it would be my only chance to get out of Snoke's view. I was not fond of throwing a mission as it would prove everyone's relentless opinion on me that I was not worthy of my spot. But what was worse?

"Fine, you have a deal."

**_Yes, a filler chapter but this next one will be brilliant. I promise you lovelies <3_ **


End file.
